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Blended families have an even higher rate of divorce than a first marriage. Thus said, it can be a huge challenge to create trust between new family members who may believe that the marriage won't last. This isn't an insurmountable task however, with a few tricks your blended family can beat the odds and thrive.
Try a family meeting
Set up a family meeting where everyone can get to know one another in a safe environment. Ask each member to share their expectations. Asking before borrowing, staying out of rooms that aren't theirs etc. Showing respect will help to set the tone for trust.
Everyone should be allowed to speak their mind, but it should be remembered that it is not acceptable to speak ill of one another. As the old saying goes, “if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all”.
After everyone has had a chance to participate in the discussion the parents should take a moment or two and give a brief summation of the meeting. State what has been accomplished and agreed upon and set a date for the next meeting.
Building the family unit should be a priority and it will create a united front.
Communication
Between meetings the family members should get to know one another and spend some quality time together. Allow teens to go shopping, to movies etc. to build their relationships.
Speak positively to one another
If you won't say it to their face then don't say it behind their back. Find things to like in one another and focus on those point rather than reasons to dislike one another. It's okay to have a ready made statement such as, “It's all new and I really don't know you well yet”. Teach children to avoid making snap judgments and telling others they can't stand their new siblings.
Keep secrets
When teens share secrets about school or friends keep those secrets if at all possible. As long as the secrets aren't something against the law, failing in school, drug or sexual in nature keep their secrets but encourage them to share with others in the family. The goal here is to develop trust and if that trust is developed then everything else will fall into place.
Take your time
Just like great friends take time to develop, building trust in a new family will too. Go slow and prove worthiness by doing what is promised. When children see it being lived out they are much more likely to build that trust with you.
If you're living in the Spokane area and want help for your blended family, you can refer to these articles for some local counseling centers and more information on blended families:
Spokane Families can live happily ever after
Spokane Families can help kids in blended families deal with a divorce or remarriage
Children's first parenting seminars required in The State of Washington
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If you're part of an organization in Spokane, Washington that helps blended families, or you're part of a blended family and would like to share something with Spokane Blended Families examiner please contact the author at Countrymom_inland@yahoo.com and share your story. We are happy to edit out any personal details and share your story with our readers.
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