Skip to main content
  1. Life
  2. Relationships
  3. Relationship Advice

How to screen your date for addictions and mental illness:

See also

There are now over 54 million single people dating online in America. Many are coming out of failed marriages looking for another try at love. In 2013, 17% of all marriages occurred from online dating websites.

John was a bit apprehensive to date after divorcing a woman with a shopping addiction. He is still paying off half of her credit card debt. His over focus on fear will most likely land him another emotionally unavailable woman.

An addiction is an unconscious habit and can be from any source. There are addictions from substances like alcohol or drugs. Next, there are process addictions which do not involve substances but activities that take over one’s life and prevent them from being emotionally available. Process addictions like eating disorders, gambling, work, porn, internet, video game, sex to shopping.

One thing to screen for is a person with an addictive personality. An addictive personality type has difficulty dealing with stress. Why not assess in advance how your date reacts to stress? Do they fly off the handle and lose their cool? Or do they blame you that everything is your fault? Why not purposely miss a flight or an exit on the freeway while late to a movie and assess their response?

A person who cannot deal with minor stress will have you walking on egg shells. Next, how do they deal with the situation? Are you scolded like a child or do they drink like a fish? Many people are purposely on their best behavior so challenging them can let you know what the future might hold.

People with mental illness often display quick changes in their mood. It is the inability to handle one’s emotions which leads to the mental breakdown. Next, assess for any social withdrawal or a change in sleeping or eating habits. Do they display any prolonged sadness? Depression is often seen in people who lack goals in life. Excessive worrying can also be seen with an anxiety disorder. While delusions or paranoia can be a major red flag. Can she hold a job or does she change jobs frequently?

Next, assess for any changes in work, family, or relationships. Have they blown off their children entirely to spend all their time with you? Perhaps his children might just shed light on your future Mr. Prince Charming. Do not let your ego be filled with all his gracious attention. Does he take you to visit his family or avoid them like the plague? Lastly, why not go on vacation and assess their behavior and what medications they bring. Better to find out now then to be surprised at a later time.

A co-dependent person is also a set up for mental illness and addiction. One reason is because they make you responsible for their happiness. It is imperative that you are not the only source of their happiness. Your mate needs to have their own dreams and goals or else you will be paying the price to keep them entertained.

John actually needs to drop his fear of attracting yet another mentally unstable mate. The more he can focus on the qualities he desires in a woman the better his dates will be. Next, a person only attracts a mate who is as emotionally available as they are. Meditation, yoga, and getting in touch with one’s inner voice will increase the odds of attracting a healthier mate.

Focus on the qualities you want to attract!

Advertisement

Life

  • Dan Savage
    Dan Savage cares about LGBT youth, bullying and saving lives
    Today's Buzz
  • Raku
    Teachers and students can use this summer to learn a new skill
    Camera
    15 Photos
  • Beach body
    Fitness: Earn your beach body badge with bootcamp classes
    Camera
    10 Photos
  • Greek wine
    Unwind with these delicious wines: The thrilling wines of Greece
    Camera
    7 Photos
  • Mandy Moore
    Exclusive interview with Celebrity Mandy Moore concerning animal activism
    Camera
    5 Photos
  • Educational family vacations
    Find out how to take an educational family vacation that doesn't break the bank
    Camera
    9 Photos