Every so often an article appears that tells us exactly how to get over a break-up (see: Glamour's October issue, How to Get Over the Guy You Can't Get Over). I’ve even written a few of my own. However, each person goes through the stages of a break-up differently and just like with relationships, what works for one person just might not work for another.
Mostly, I am a big believer in doing what’s best for you and your happiness. Often times that involves discontinuing communication with the offending party a.k.a the dreaded ex; but sometimes that can cause just as much, if not more, stress and turmoil than if you let yourself ease your way out of it.
Does this mean that you can spend time with your ex hoping that one day he will once again see just how great you are or vice-versa and therefore, resuscitate your relationship? Don't kid yourself; be clear on your focus. If your focus is to get back together and his is not, then you need to quit pretending you’re in it to be friends or think you can end things void of emotion.Sometimes an ending by itself will have to do.
Another common piece of advice is to reevaluate goals that might have been lost along the way throughout the duration of your relationship. While it is great to tackle new things, take risks and better your body, mind, and soul, the next relationship you’re in make sure to hang onto those goals to begin with. Where did you let them go?
Being in a relationship shouldn't devoid yourself of goals, unless you're only goal in life is to be in a relationship, in which case these articles may not be for you. And even if you’re riding solo, it doesn’t mean that you should only concentrate on living your life with no room for compromise. By learning to incorporate other people’s opinions, differences and perspectives into your life prior to a relationship without giving up who you are, it will help you keep your balance when you find love once more.
Being all me, me, me doesn’t allow room for us, us, us, wherever or whenever that 'us' might appear. Don’t let dreams out but do let people in.
But you want to know the secret to getting over the one you can’t get over? It's not making yourself into the mascot for girl power. It's not dating every guy that looks your way. It's not analyzing every relationship to understand what went wrong. It's much simpler than all that.
Two words: time management.
You have time to cry about him and worry about what you could’ve done differently? You have time to cyber stalk him and midnight text him wondering if he misses you? If you have time to sign up for yoga, scuba diving and knitting classes even though you hate exercise, are afraid of the water and the thought of knitting makes you want to stick one of those large needles into your eye, then, you have time to appreciate what you’ve learned. You have time to actually seek out those things that truly interest you and really busy yourself with people and things that bring out the best in you, not just break-up fillers. You have time to embrace that you don’t snap your fingers and just get over someone who had such a great impact in your life.
Just like falling in love can be a gradual process so can falling out of it. Just give yourself time. Know there’ll be setbacks and keep moving forward. Eventually, without even noticing, something or someone greater will replace it. It’s just up to you to decide what you want to do with your time until that day comes.