Most mothers possess the best intentions when raising their children. The unconditional love from a child is one of the most powerful motivators on this planet. While this love can have her serving unconditionally for her child as well as her family, the problems begin when she exhibits one-hundred-percent altruistic behavior which develops into an unintentional model to her children.
Altruism occurs when we put all others’ needs entirely before our own. The daughter then grows up and perpetuates the model of how everyone else’s needs are more important than her own needs, thus engendering a feeling that it is normal to sacrifice all of her time, energy and possessions for the sake of others. This will manifest a devastating impact in her child’s future adult relationships.
An altruistic persona is truly the opposite of a selfish personality. Although one might feel like a better person for being something other than self-centered, there are numerous disadvantages to this behavior. An altruistic person is completely out of balance with universal law. She will become an absolute magnet for attracting narcissistic relationships in order to provide balance to this selflessness.
Julie was about as altruistic as a woman could be. She grew up with a mother who put everyone else’s needs before her own. In fact, her mother Ruth was so selfless, that she disregarded her own health appointments so as to always be available for the needs of her family and friends. Ruth had trouble saying “no” to anyone and she truly enjoyed giving to others. Everyone could count on Ruth to help them when in need.
Unfortunately, Ruth was so busy helping others that she ignored the need for her yearly physicals. Her time was thoroughly consumed by her children’s nonstop sporting activities as well as her considerable volunteer obligations to her church. Altruism became a curse to Ruth in many ways. Ruth became inflicted with breast cancer and then realized that many of the friends she had helped were no where to be found when she truly needed their help.
Ruth had dedicated her life to serving her husband and her children. She would drop everything she was doing when her husband Ron needed her help. Ruth never finished her college degree because she worked two jobs so as to put her husband through law school. Altruistic behavior clearly can be devastating to one’s career path.
These universal laws absolutely apply in our personal relationships. Altruism is entirely too one-sided and unfortunately, Ruth is paying the price. Her narcissistic husband became upset when her chemotherapy appointments interfered with his golf game. He asked her to take taxis to her appointments, rather than support her with his own time.
In the mold of her mother, Ruth’s daughter Julie became so busy modeling altruistic behavior she, too, married a narcissist. In fact, her husband moved her across the country so he could golf fulltime in Arizona. Julie gave up a great career so as to make her husband happy. She learned first-hand from Mom to put other’s needs before her own.
If you truly love your daughter, wake up and stop teaching her to put her needs and desires last. This will not only protect her from abuse, but also from fostering a toxic relationship. Many women subconsciously model self-sacrificing behavior which can continue for generations.
Your daughters should be instructed to equally give and receive in their relationships. If this is not taught then she may experience a lifetime of painful relationships. Many can remain trapped for years and blaming others as to why they are not happy.
All relationships start with you and end with you. It is important to comprehend one’s relationship mistakes before we pass them on to the next generation.
Love requires the conscious behavior of giving and receiving equally!