Skip to main content
Report this ad

See also:

How to Make the Rubber Band Effect Work for You

So how do you know you are dating a man with good character? One way you will find out is through conflict. Now I am not saying intentionally get into an argument with your man. As your relationship develops, there will be times when you won’t meet eye to eye. How he goes about the argument and resolution will offer you some true insight in how he handles tough situations.

Do you know how to stop him from taking you for granted?
Photo by Jesse Grant/Getty Images for VH1

It is normal for a man to pull away or withdraw from time to time. It is not always because you did something wrong. Men need space - man space.

Man space is that time he needs to himself or to do things he enjoys doing alone without you. He may want a night out with the guys. He may want to watch TV with a cold beer and not hear you talk about you. Remember, before you got involved with him, he had complete freedom. He didn't have to think about how you felt about his actions at any given time.

When he withdraws, think of the two of you being in the middle of a rubber band. When you feel closest to him, the rubber band will slack. When he withdraws, you will feel tension.

If you don't give him that man space, he will have no reason to snap back to your love and affection. If you don't give him that man space, you could provoke him to pull so much that he snaps the rubber band and leaves the relationship.

A man withdrawing isn't a painful experience. All you have to do is focus on being good to yourself.

I had a recent experience with the rubber band effect. The man who had been so sweet and charming was giving me attitude. I was very confused about his behavior and told him. The younger me would lose my cool or try to figure out what I did wrong. The present me knows a man withdrawing rarely has to do with me. It really is all about him.

When you find yourself in that type of situation, do not attack him. Instead, tell him how you feel. When you use statements that start with " I feel," and those statements don't attack him in any shape or form, he will open up to you and respect you because you are an understanding woman. Your feminine energy is attractive. He can't feel that from his friends. He can't feel that sexual attraction from his mother but he can feel that wonderful energy from you.

Tell him how you feel and he will speak his mind. Don't hate him for his honesty no matter his reason for withdrawing. When he is ready, he will be with you again. If he pushes away, let him go. He is not worth the hassle.

Sometimes he needs time away from you to understand why he shouldn't take you for granted. Sometimes you just have to give a man the opportunity to step up and be the man who you need. You don't have to chase him to keep him. Read that sentence again.

The right man will be with you through both good and bad times. Let him come to you.

Anytime I feel like I am taken for granted, I focus more on making myself happy. I urge you to do the same.

Here are some ways I focus on my happiness while he is figuring out things on his own:

  • Don't rearrange my schedule for him. Anytime a man knows you are always available to him he will take advantage of you. Go hang out with your friends. Catch up with family. Try a new activity. You do this to know you make you happy with or without him. Never lose yourself to keep a man.
  • Take a trip with my friends without him. Anytime I feel like I am not a priority, I make myself more of a priority. You can give him a week notice before you enjoy your trip. I am going on a trip with one of my best girlfriends and I plan on having a blast. I let him know in a very sweet voice that's what I am doing. He can enjoy time with friends, it's no crime for me to enjoy myself without him.
  • Do my thing. My life didn't revolve around him before I met him and it won't now. In fact, his attraction to me comes from my independence. Men love women that have busy lives. Men love women that are financially and emotionally independent. You need to make him feel you don't need him to make you happy. You can want him, but you don't need him as a happy woman. You can volunteer, you can take up something that's good for you but doesn't need him to act on your happiness.
  • Let him contact me. Let him be the one that has to reach for you. Men go for what they want. He knows where to find you and how to get your attention if he wants it.
  • Let him take me out on the town. If he gets lazy and starts only doing the least to keep you, you need to say no to hanging out with him. You can say it nicely and say you are just not in the mood to sit around his place. This should inspire him to make a real plan to woo you.

When you act like you deserve better and still keep up that wonderful feminine energy, he will instinctively know he has to step up to keep a good woman like you. It takes time,but you have to know your worth in order for him to know how to treat you well.

Report this ad