In recent months I have had a ton of inquiries from ladies looking to invest in relationship coaching. The really interesting thing is these ladies are for the most part single. It is encouraging to know that people are looking to take their relationships to the next level and understand that coaching is an invaluable way to do that. If a professional athlete employs the abilities of a private trainer to gain an edge on the playing field, how much more can we obtain the relationship of our dreams by partnering with experienced and knowledgeable coaches in the industry?
One of the main themes of my conversations with them centers around one question; how do I know I am dating or about to get serious with the “right one?” Well that’s a loaded question and I want to share, from my perspective, a window into my answers.
First, anyone can know when they are connecting to the person they should be by this simple test. Ask yourself, Am I the best “me” when I am with them? In other words, are you feeling the freedom to be your true authentic self when you’re with them? If not, no matter how you shape it up, that’s probably NOT the guy for you.
Here are four (4) easy signs to look for when determining if he is ‘The One’
1. He knows what you need manifested to experience love: This is a biggie! Back a few years ago Gary Chapman penned an incredible book called The Five Languages of Love to help couples identify their dominant “Love Language.” Ground breaking at its time, this work allowed couples to discuss and dig into which style of love works best for them. Whether gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service or through physical touch, each person has a way they prefer to be loved. If you have someone who refuses to give you what you need, begging won’t bend their heart.
2. Your dreams are nurtured and encouraged: Your voice matters. Anyone that tells you differently is absolutely wrong. The second we are born there is a room full of doctors and nurses waiting to hear your voice. This signifies we are not only “here” but healthy and well. Throughout our childhood, there are several tests administered to ensure we can hear and speak correctly. If you’re in a relationship and he doesn’t value and even encourage you to dream big, you may need to make a change soon. A secure man who knows himself will always be on the side of super sizing his mate’s aspirations. After all, you two reflect each other in so many ways he would want you to be successful and fulfilled too.
3. You guys fight, but you never go to war: Fighting is one thing; war is a totally different reality. You’re supposed to fight. Fighting simply means you two came to a difference of opinions and now you’re trying to find the “middle.” Fighting also means there is a bit of friction in an area that must be addressed properly. It can serve as a spotlight to find potential roadblocks along the way. War however, is about winners and losers. It’s about alienating the other person and plundering their confidence. You DO NOT go to war with someone you love. Period. If he can launch a full scale war against you during a fight, he has shown you how little you mean to him.
4. Your family and friends can see you flourish in the relationship: As you date and grow closer to a person, learn to balance the opinions of trusted family and close friends. I am not saying hang your whole heart on what people are saying, but pay attention to it at least. If everyone is saying this guy is sneaky or a flirt, don’t dismiss it! You can get a very useful baseline of your guy by how others interact with him. Often we have created blind spots because our hearts wants what it wants. Period. But you would be a fool to ignore the warning signs others see who are outside of love’s powerful blinders.
Just like anything else, love and relationships require a learning curve. You can vastly improve your chances for success by adhering to the signs. People say that experience is the best teacher, but I think that’s a lot of B.S. I have learned that experience is an expensive and time consuming teacher. If you are able to learn from someone else’s experiences and grow from them, you have just saved yourself time, energy of plenty of heart aches along your journey to the relationship of your dreams.