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Halloween is upon us and parents often struggle with how to decide if something is too scary for their child. It is not just what costume to wear, but the whole experience of trick- or- treating. Your precious princess might come face to face with a bloody axe murderer and the whole evening literally becomes a nightmare until January.
This issue comes up at other times a year, most commonly around the viewing of films and other media.
When author of the popular children's book "Where The Wild Things Are", Maurice Sendak was asked if parents thought the film adaptation was too scary for children, he answered, "I would tell them to go to hell. That's a question I will not tolerate ... If they can't handle it, go home ..."
That might be a somewhat acceptable answer from an 81-year-old author, but not particularly helpful to parents. Here are some other ideas for both Halloween and media viewing.
When wondering if something is too scary, first consider the age of the child. Children six and under are developmentally at an age where they have difficulty knowing the difference between real and imaginary and they also think that their thoughts cause things to happen.
- You might want to pre-screen films, TV programs and computer games for this age group.
- You might want to limit trick-or-treating to places that you know won't have scary themes or costumes.
- You might want to have a party or attend a party where you know how the evening will be handled.
Children age seven to early adolescence ( roughly 11-13) have an interest in scary things and like to master their fear, but within reason. Overly violent or stressful situations can cause unnecessary fear.
- You might want to talk with your child openly about what they want to do and what they think is too scary.
- You might want to pre-screen films, TV, or computer games for violent content. There is a difference between a child's ghost story and violence. Help your child discern the difference.
- You might want to limit exposure to violent content, especially if your child has been exposed to violence in their family or community.
Older adolescents:
- Some adolescents like violence and scary material. Open communication is important, as well as discussing safe behavior.
For more information about behavior, parenting and relationships visit me @www.marinfamilycounseling.com/
Comments
Debra, this is a terrific piece and so true. We never know why some children are afraid and some are not. One of my Bambinos (age 3) suddenly began using the word "ascared" of the dark, but not of "dragons."
We explained the meaning of "Twinkle, Twinkle little star," took him outdoors at night, showed him how a diamond ring sparkled in the light and how the star sparkled. Suddenly he ventured off the porch, forget he was "ascared" and, looked at the big dipper and said, "Look at all the stars came out together."
We'll see what happens on Halloween. But he is Lion so he is feeling as if he can conquer anything.
Many thanks for the piece.
Happiness/ R
This is responsibility of parents.
wwww.fareler.com
Thanks for your comment R/ it sounds like you helped your bambino make some connections that helped put it all in perspective. Your comment was the inspiration for what happens if it all goes not according to plan - see part II
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