How to Keep Love Alive - At any Age - Miami Relationships

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View slideshow: How to Keep Love Alive - At Any Age

Recently I interviewed my colleague and friend, Dr. Virginia Crist, on my Healthy Baby Boomers Network Blog Talk Radio Show. The title of this episode is How to Keep Love Alive - At Any Age.

Dr. Virginia Crist is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist in private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. She has lectured extensively, with numerous guest appearances on radio and TV. Known for her research, lectures and small groups focused on romantic love, her background and training is impressive. After two masters degrees, Dr. Crist was identified as one of the “Top 15 Counselors in the USA.” Then she pursued a five year doctoral program, and attended Harvard Medical School through the Department of Psychiatry for additional training. Dr. Crist then received Diplomate credentialing by The American Psychotherapy Association.

Here is what Dr. Crist says about love and creating lasting romantic love.

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"WHAT COULD BE MORE EXCITING THAN LOVE? Living and loving are two lifelong processes intricately interwoven. I will love for as long as I live. I will love the birds, and the sunsets, and the stillness of the lakes, and the sounds of the waves at the ocean. I will love the feel of the sand between my toes at the beach, the feel of the sun on my skin, and pelicans. I will love the smell of fresh brewed coffee in the morning, chocolate and char broiled salmon. I will love phone calls from my family and I will love helping a friend. To me living and loving are inseparable."

Then she talks about what most of us want, to love and be loved by one special person. She explains how "being in love" with that one special chosen person is very different from the love we may feel for our parents, children, pets, roses, cheesecake, symphonies and football games and never exhaust our capacity to love in these ways. "Being in love" involves a different kind of energy.

Dr. Crist explains: "One of our greatest personal challenges is to create the love we want. People try their best to love each other, but there is a lot of frustration and disappointment out there. The high divorce rate attests to that: 50% of first marriages, sadly 67% of 2nd marriages, and a whopping 74% of 3rd marriages! The clue suggests that you roll up your sleeves and try your hardest with your first marriage. It appears to become increasingly difficult as you go on to the next."

So then I asked Dr. Crist what it takes to not only fall in love but stay in love over the years. What she emphasizes above all else is for both partners in a couple to have High Mutual Regard. That involves treating each other with respect, value and dignity.

Some caveats she recommends:

Avoid criticizing one another in public. That is a form of disregard which will not cultivate your partner’s admiration and long term presence.
She sites criticism and put downs by a partner as a common reason given for infidelity.
Thoughtfulness and consideration are also important to feel safe and vulnerable with one another.
She recommends such simple gestures as a quick love note scribbled in the morning or a lovely card sent in the mail. But she warns that it is important to "write something special."
She encourages couples to be creative. For example, one can leave a beautiful long-stemmed rose across a bed pillow one evening or find out what your partner would enjoy and surprise him or her with a gift.
Consideration suggests men doing old fashioned manly things, like opening the door for her and pulling out her chair and women doing something reciprocal such as offering a cold drink or doing a simple chore for the other person. She recommends doing many courtesies frequently.

The bottom line for Dr. Crist is to "Treat him/her as though he/she is the most important person in the world because remember, to you, he/she IS!"

Dr. Virginia Crist is in Private Practice in Boca Raton. Contact Dr. Virginia online at AskDrV.tv or call her at 561-212-6855.