Many of you have worked (or are still currently working) in several different offices for large corporations and small
companies (as did I, particularly the Midwest and Eastern regions of these United
And in my humble opinion, there hasn't been a workplace yet, NOT ONE, where there wasn't an encounter with at least two, if not most
of these office space aggravators:
LOUD TALKERS-If there's more than four people in a workspace, at least one
of them will be the one that can be heard in China.
Even just saying "Hello" can be quite a jarring experience; You'll be blasted out
of your seat or blown a few feet from where you stood (it'll sure feel that way).
Have you ever tried to hold a private or just a normal conversation with a loud
talker? Forget it, because ALL of it will be revealed right there at that moment.
I was "lucky" enough to work with one who would repeat everything you said in
a booming voice as you were talking to him. Only talk about things with this
person that you really wouldn't mind being broadcast in the office and
throughout the Chinese mainland.
KNOW-IT-ALLS-They not only think, they BELIEVE that they're a vast reservoir
of all the knowledge in the world-and you're not. Even on things they know
absolutely nothing about (And you KNOW they don't), they'll ab-lib or "shoot off
the cuff" (It's actually very weird, yet fun to watch).
Some of you may remember Cliff Claven from the popular TV series "Cheers"
(played by John Ratzenberger); he's the patron saint of this group.
If you really need an answer to a burning trivia question, they may actually be
handy once in a while (be prepared for a lengthy dissertation, however).
ONE-UPPERS-Whatever experience you've had, whatever trip you took, even
if you're the FIRST to ever accomplish something in a given field, they will
ALWAYS do it better, traveled to better places, and achieved more (after all,
you were only the first by default, didn't you know that?). They actually achieved
the one-of-a-kind goal first (or their cousin), but something else came up: They
inherited $50 million dollars and took FOUR around-the-world trips, setting up
their own computer labs and hamburger joints-or something like that.
ANGRY MAN (or WOMAN)-No matter what it is, whether it's office business,
national news, or some aspect of home life, Angry will be ticked off-and stay
ticked off. If you come to work happy, they'll be upset became you came in
happy ("You finished your project on time, huh?" "You COULD have helped me with mine; Why didn't you?" "Well?" "You
think you're all that, don't you?" ). A close relation to this is the man or woman
with THE FUNKY ASS ATTITUDE. I have noticed that a lot of angry and FAA
types seem to always want someone else to do part or all of their work for
them. Is it because they're just not very good at their job and are "playing the
bad attitude card" to hide this? Hmmmm.....
SUPER PARENTS-They're into baby or their kids, 24-7. It's not entirely a bad
thing, and at least this group deeply cares about their offspring (There ARE
other things to talk about, though). But it's annoying (and disturbing) to try to
convert EVERYONE to parenthood (Some are childless by choice, some are
childless for medical reasons-ALL choices should and need to be respected).
THE NOSY (or SPYS, MOLES, SLINKYS)-They hover around, working
diligently to get the goods on everyone and the company.. They seem to be
capable of appearing right through the walls, creeping up on you. They'll know
if you got fired or promoted before you will (and may tell everyone else about it
THE PERKY-They live in Candyland. No matter what, they're bubbling over
with pure sunshine and constant joy (And you should be too, gosh darn ya!).
There never seems to be a serious moment, nothing ever fazes them (at least
not in public). It's unnerving sometimes-But if things are going exceptionally
well in your life, they are fun to celebrate with.
CHARITY PUSHERS-They're those extremely passionate folks who are always
(and constantly!) collecting for a cause, any cause (Are the chili peppers in
Mexico being threatened? Are pigs and hogs being denied mud? Ongoing
conspiracy found in a baloney sandwich?). They care. They REALLY care.
And you should too (constantly!).
THE DOWNERS-Some of you out there may remember a recurring comedy
sketch on "Saturday Night Live" called 'Debbie Downer' (portrayed by Rachel
Dratch). It was hilarious-and oh-so-true. Perhaps you may not know the sketch,
but many, if not, most of you have certainly run across a person that's
constantly having a tragedy, 24-7 (Don't these folks ever have a GOOD or
HAPPY moment? But then, they'll probably complain or whine about it!).
SLOBS (or PACK RATS, HOARDERS, COLLECTORS)-They're often one of
the nicest people around, but no one's seen their desk in years. THEY haven't
actually seen their desk in years. The piles and stacks have now begotten their
own piles and stacks.
But the weird thing is, slobs can usually find just what they need or what's
requested out of all that chaos. I believe they could find just what they need out
of a garbage dump.
That DOES take a skill.