Many online dating profiles by men request a woman without a victim mentality. In fact, this is usually at the top of list of a man’s requests. Why is the absence of this trait such a common request by men? If they were unable to learn their role in their wives victim mentality then chances are greater than not that the problem will resurface again.
A person’s victim mentality occurs when she feels unheard, unappreciated and unloved. Common symptoms of complaining, anger, nagging, whining, impatience and self-righteous behavior often co-exist. The woman keeps trying over and over again to be loved, validated and understood. Unfortunately, her presentation style is falling on deaf ears. Her style of communication is actually causing the opposite effect and pushing the man further away.
Faulty communication patterns are responsible for a great deal of pain and suffering in relationships. She gets so frustrated trying to get her needs met that she fails to realize her strategy is not working. Most will continue with the same strategy and get the same unproductive results.
Next, the man can also have a great deal of self-righteous behavior as well. He feels unappreciated, dis-respected, and will judge his wife for her annoying strategy in trying to get her needs met. He might just check out all together and get a mistress. Both strategies will destruct the family unit.
Our self-righteous need to be right will keep love out of one’s life. It results in judgment which is a great way to make all the love disappear from any relationship. Love requires unconditional acceptance which is virtually impossible when judgment exists. A judgmental attitude is often passed down generation to generation in families. We learn this dysfunctional defense mechanism to protect our self from getting hurt.
Dysfunctional families will often give rise to very judgmental adults. Unfortunately, the judgment carries over to everyone outside of the intimate relationship as well. The judgment can also be felt in non-verbal communication. When we are judging anyone we are only hurting ourselves by limiting the amount of love we have in our lives.
When men see a victim mentality they are judging rather than loving and accepting her just where she is at.
A more productive method would be to ask her, “What will it look like when you do not feel the need to tell me this same story every day?” This is a lot easier than dealing with the same issue over and over again. You might just hear the answer you need to make it all end.
If this does not work then suggest life coaching for your marriage. Let her know that you care enough for her and the children to live a life free of drama. If this does not interest her then buy her a package to a Landmark Forum event. One weekend event with Landmark will eliminate a victim mentality.This will teach her healthier communication methods. If you suggest therapy she might take this as an insult that she is screwed up.
Relationships have equal amounts of pain and pleasure. If your relationship is leaning more towards pain then be pro-active in protecting your family, your assets as well as your children. Far too many people have just been brought up with faulty communication patterns that are easily fixable if you know where to go. If not just know you will continue to attract into your life a victim mentality until you learn the painful life lesson.