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How to get your flirt on

Flirting is an easy thing to do.
Flirting is an easy thing to do.

Some people are natural flirts. They flirt with everyone on a daily basis without realizing they are doing it. Others, however, can hardly compose a sentence in the presence of the opposite, let alone intentionally put out a flirty vibe, but there is hope for the flirt-phobic and the flirt-deficient.

To begin with, flirting does not have to be over the top or utilize cheesy pick-up lines. Subtlety and finesse are the best way to go about flirting without coming off desperate or sleazy. There are, however, a few tell-tale signs that a person is flirting.

For ladies the most obvious signs are, twirling their hair or touching their faces, holding her shoulders back or pushing her chest out, and/or tilting her head to either side.

Men, on the other hand, tend to take up more space than usual, such as leaning against the bar or a chair or standing with an open stance, joking around or making sarcastic but slyly sexual remarks, and opening doors or helping women put on their coats, especially when it’s an unusual gesture for him to do.

Subtly flirting is a lot easier to do and can be less uncomfortable than laying it on thick.

Location is important when it comes to flirting. At a nightclub or a bar, music can drown out voices so proximity is important. Standing within three feet or closer is the best way to be effective. At public places, such as stadiums, arenas, parks and even the grocery store, a greater is distance can work, but three to four feet is a good distance.

Clothing is also important in the flirting game. Depending on the location, ladies may want to wear somewhat form-fitting but not-to-revealing clothes if their intention is flirting. Men might opt for nice a button-down shirts with slacks or pair of nice jeans and a pair of loafers if the occasion calls for it. The setting should determine the wardrobe.

When engaging the person who is to be flirted with, a good way to begin is to mirror his or her body language, energy level and vocabulary or intelligence level. This may be difficult if the person is a rocket scientist or a middle school drop out, but it doesn’t hurt to try. Displaying much more or much less intellectual acuity can be a turn off for some people.

Open the conversation with a little small talk. Discussing an upcoming event or even the weather can be a door opener to a longer more meaningful conversation in the long run.

Be positive when talking to a person of the opposite sex. Positivity is nine times out of 10 the best way to go. Negativity is a turn off and some people may excuse themselves from the conversation and never return.

Actively listening to other person in the conversation is a great flirting skill. Nodding, smiling and replying appropriately instead of just waiting for the chance to speak is the hallmark of a good flirt.

A bolder move is to make physical contact. A light brush of the arm, touching hands when handing over a drink, or helping to get something off of the other person’s clothing puts the singles prime flirting position. And can lead to more intimate contact in the future.

The subtle approach to flirting is both easy and effective, and it can be fun when flirting with the right person. There is no reason anyone should be shy about flirting when doing it in a natural way and successful flirting can sometimes develop into a lasting relationship.


Psychology Today

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