In part 1 of this series, the author made the point that many people don't get what they want simply because they don't really know what they want. It seems obvious then that if you want to avoid the disappointment of not getting what you want or of getting what you don't want, you should set out to decide just what it is you do want. How do you do that? How do you distinguish between all the things that sound like you should want, that sound good and reasonable and what you really want? It's a good question and one to be answered seriously. You, like all the rest of us, have only a finite amount of time, energy and money so it makes more sense to spend them in pursuit of what you really want instead of things that aren't going to contribute to your contentment and happiness.
One problem people notice when setting goals is that they seldom realize or achieve those goals. Now sometimes, that's because they don't know how to set SMART goals, but that's a skill deficiency and doesn't really deal with knowing their real wants. Knowing your real wants requires that you know what's important to you, especially those things that are of basic, fundamental importance. What are you all about? At the end of the day, what is consistent with who you are as a person? Brutally honest answers to these types of questions will tell you what's really important to you. Besides, goal setting comes further down the road in terms of getting what you want and using it to build a life. Other things have to come first. Let's call those other things "values".
So, what are your values? What are the things that are fundamentally the most important to you? What things will you absolutely not compromise?
Some people can determine what these are by simply sitting down with a pencil and notepad and writing them down. Maybe you are one of those people. If so, that's great! Grab a pencil and start writing. Sometimes, though, this isn't so easy. Sometimes there are things we think we should have as values, but when we start writing, they just don't seem to fit us. It can be hard to be honest with ourselves then and so...we write them down anyway. If we do this, we're setting ourselves up for failure because we aren't likely to work hard enough to achieve things that are not really important to us.
Another difficulty is when we hold conflicting values. We set a goal to achieve something related to one value, only to run into conflict with another value. This, too, can leave us reluctant to write down both of them. As a result, we may fail to achieve anything related to either value.
Finally, we may truly hold something as a true value, but find ourselves sabotaged by our subconscious because of some conflict of which we're completely unaware. The value may have made the list, but we wind up being blindsided by the conflict.
So, if the pencil and notepad (or computer/tablet) method doesn't work for you, is there an alternative? Fortunately, there is. Hypnosis can be a valuable tool for dealing with all these issues. It can help you:
- Clarify what your real values are
- Determine if you hold conflicting values
- Resolve real or apparent conflict between values
- Learn to be okay with your values and being who you are
- Learn new values
- Deal with any subconscious conflicts regarding your values
Is hypnosis the only way of doing these things? Absolutely not. There are a variety of approaches, methods and tools for this. In fact, for many people, the best approach may well be using multiple things at the same time. Regardless of how you choose to define your values and regardless of which method(s) you use, you will almost certainly be far more effective and successful after you do it than you are today. Pick a method or two and if they don't work, pick others. Just don't quit, don't stop, don't give up...keep on until you get what you want!