“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is. Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.”
― Eckhart Tolle
Does it every feel like everything is going wrong? Like no matter what you do, or no matter how hard you try, things never seem to go your way? If so, you are not alone. Many, many, people have felt like you feel right now, and the good news is: There is a way out.
Generally speaking, our challenges fall into one of two categories: Lessons sent to use by God/The Universe to learn and grow, and situations we create for ourselves, that still give us a chance to learn and grow. Life, above all else, is a school. We get the people and situations we need to learn what we need to learn to continue growing and reach the next level. And we will continue repeating those types of situations until we learn what we are supposed to learn.
The first thing is, don’t even think of your problems as ‘problems.’ Remember that everything lives in language. And this isn't vague positive thinking, it is concrete neuroscience. The words you use to describe your situation literally change how you feel about it. The words you use to describe your situation literally change how you feel about it. This applies to all your ‘problems’, obstacles, challenges, hurtles, opportunities, or anything else. Consider, instead of saying ‘I am so broke,’ you could say ‘I’d like to make more money.’ Or, instead of ‘I hate my job,’ think ‘I am ready for a new job that I really enjoy.’
The next thing you need to ask yourself is: What’s so? What is actually happening? Often times we get upset about things that aren't actually taking place; if you find yourself feeling anxious or overwhelmed, chances are you are looking too far into the future and dreaming up new things to fear. Always bring your thoughts back to the present moment, since that’s all that really exists. Once you cut through the mist of fear, and can see things as they really are, you are free to take the actions you’ll need to take to start changing them. Remember, you can worry, OR you can have faith, but not both. Either you trust God/The Universe to have your back, or you don’t.
So the next question you need to ask yourself is: What can you learn from the situation you find yourself in? And I’ll give you a hint: It’s never something dramatic like “I should never trust people,” or “no one will ever love me.” Instead, maybe the lesson is you should stop picking abusive men who will use you; or clingy women who’ll emotionally manipulate you. If you are having health issues, maybe there are changes you can make to your diet and exercise routine.
As we said at the beginning, there is another kind of lesson that comes our way. Sometimes what we experience is the total collapse of our previous life, so that a new one can rise in its place, through an experience known as ‘the dark night of the soul.’ Trying to cling too tightly to the old way of being will only prolong the process and cause you more and more pain. We talked extensively about how to deal with the dark night of the soul in a recent episode of my radio show Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, along with why you suffer, how to stay positive, how to KNOW you are on the right track, how keep your head up, how to start reinventing yourself, how you know when you're in love, why age is no big deal, and much, much, more!
So in conclusion, look at how you are describing things, even in your own mind…especially in your own mind. Then focus on what’s so, the concrete reality of the situation; the present moment is the one and only place where you can use your power to make any real change. And then figure out what the lesson is, since once you learn it, you’ll be able to stop repeating it. Remember, your pain is the cracking of the shell that contains your understanding; hitting bottom only means you can bounce back higher.
You are great, and I love you!
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B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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