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How to get out of a relationship rut



You've been there.  After 6 months to a year, the honeymoon phase of your relationship starts to dwindle.  He starts burping in front of you and constantly leaving the toilet seat up while she has moved on from lingerie to sweats and a t-shirt.  The love is still there but the spice and excitement starts to slowly diminish. The daily routine is the same, the sex is the same, and worse off, nothing surprises either of you two anymore. The affection and commitment is all there but how do you and your partner get out of this so called relationship rut?

  • Together, try to remember what the original thing that attracted you to each other in the first place.  You may be surprised by what you remember.
  • Do something out of character-whether it's as small as a new hair cut or surprising them for their morning shower-the unexpected is what makes a relationship more exciting.
  • Get away for the weekend to someplace that neither of you two have been to.
  • Talk about your dreams and goals for the future.
  • Spend an evening kissing each other with no sex allowed
  • On the other hand, have as much sex as both of you can stand and try a few new positions (look here for some new ones)
  • Ask questions of each other and listen to the answers.  Sometimes couples need to be reconnected.
  • New research on couple satisfaction underscores the importance of having fun in a relationship
  • Have a date night once a week-get off of the couch, out of your sweats, and go out.  Dress up and do something outside of the apartment.
  • Try new things-regularly.  Whether it's a cooking class or going to beginners salsa-trying new things together brings a relationship closer.

Finally, participate actively in each other's lives.  Don't just go through the motions with your relationship-that will surely put the two of you in a rut.  Get involved in what your partner is doing and invite their participation in your life.  Your challenges then become shared experience, you both benefit from the support, and the stressors feel less stressful.  Most importantly-laugh with your significant other. Laughing is the best cure for anything. If you can find someone who makes you smile and laugh, everyday, remember that when you feel your relationship is going through a rut.