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How to ditch your uptight work persona and seduce

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Chic Parisian women have an established tradition of crossing the pond to tell American women what they are doing wrong and how they can do better. The French, legend has it, do not get fat, age gracefully, and their children are impeccably behaved.

Enter Florence Escaravage, the founder and CEO of Love Intelligence, the leading French love counseling company in France and Europe, now offering an auto-coaching Method centered on the 5 keys to find love. I call in to her office in Paris’s gorgeous ninth arrondissement and we set up in a boardroom with vibrant blue-hued nudes. She is dressed simply in a white shirt and skirt.

Much more than the “French touch”

First things first. The “French touch”, she insists, is the least interesting thing about her program. “I don’t think I discovered my method because I’m French. My message, it is universal because it is all about creating the conditions necessary for what I call the “love state” to occur, which is the same everywhere in the world. It works between two Indians, two Americans, two French people. In all situations the method works to rid us of our obsession with control to allow this love state to come into being.”

If French women do have an asset over their American counterparts, it is that they have a little bit less control in their lives, though it remains a big problem. “I have a lot of Wonder Women, businesswomen, who come to see me and as soon as they understand that they need to relinquish some control, to let down their guard, as soon as, you know, I take three quarters of an hour to explain this to them, that’s it, they have understood. The problem is that until you explain this to someone, they just don’t get it. Us woman who work have a natural tendency to replicate our way of being in our professional lives in our love lives; this is very negative and we don’t realize it. I know many women whose husbands left them, whose husbands asked them for a divorce because they are women who are too in control and finally they don’t give their emotions anymore, so there is no longer anything being shared in the couple, and the man can no longer find his place beside his wife.”

Why we let love pass us by

She seems genuinely appalled by how easily such failures could be avoided. “I created Love Intelligence in 2007 because I had the conviction in me that certain people let love pass them by without seeing it. I actually found this rather intolerable and I wanted to give them, as regards emotional maturity, what it seemed to me was important to know. It really struck me that all the psychology and therapy available didn’t really respond to this, the books you could buy were not enough, and I had the impression that there was a real demand to gain emotional maturity and to stop letting love pass us by over the years.”

And so she set up Love Intelligence with an expert committee including Sylvie Tenenbaum and Serge Hefez, two of the biggest names in psychiatry and psychology circles in France. It was quite the career change – she had previously been a business consultant; she thinks that she brought this structured, pragmatic way of approaching problems to her new role. Were her friends surprised by her decision to become a love coach? “Honestly they thought it was a natural fit for me. They weren’t surprised at all. They were always inundating me with questions about their love life. Ever since I was a little girl – I’m a bit like Obelix, I fell into some love potion, and so before even creating Love Intelligence, I was already inundated with people asking me for my advice.”

Does she like helping people then? “Yes… or rather I like helping people in the area of love – for everything else, I don’t care.” She laughs. “Really though, that’s what gets me up in the morning. I love moving people forward in their love life, watching them progress. I think about my clients all the time.”

“There is no one who finds themselves stuck in a rut in their love life, who can come to me and explain their situation, and I can’t tell what’s going on in their life. I know it all. People naturally confide in me and I have this need to get to the bottom of things.”

It’s an impressive claim. Does she ever worry about putting herself on a pedestal? She is married with three kids – is she superstitious? “No,” she says flatly, pragmatic as ever. “But what I do feel is that I don’t have the right to fail in my relationship, if I did that it would mean I hadn’t understood anything. Sure there is always the risk that a relationship could end but – one of my favorite quotes is “loving is wanting to love” and so, in 6 months, if I want to and he wants to, there’s no reason for us to separate.”

Tapping into our seductive power

“I think the reason I am at ease in the area of love and relationships is because I haven’t subscribed like others to this whole fantastical side of love, I mean I love the magic of love and the love state but I don’t like the illusionary side of love. I don’t like – in fact I detest the idea that love hurts. I really believe that love, it does us good, and so when I see people who are hurting in love I can’t stand it.”

“What frustrates me most is this immense emotional immaturity I see out there. You know, as soon as people understand their seductive power, it’s amazing what they can achieve. I’ve seen people be a victim of their own success in three weeks, even though they might have gone 8 years without kissing a boy. The power of love, it’s incredible. I had a client who was 1 metre 49 tall (4 foot 8), who was hunchbacked – an intelligent woman, a professor at a university but all the same who didn’t have a lot going for her, and who, a few months after, had found love, even though her mother had said to her that with her physical appearance she would never find love, because when you understand what is unique about you and you reveal it to others, this is very very powerful. Seduction is really powerful. We have it all inside us. It is a sin not to reveal it!”

Discover Florence’s 5 steps to find love for free

Article credited to:

David Doherty - UK-US Communications Officer - Love Intelligence

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