Are you in a work situation where your boss is a bully? Unfortunately, this is not unusual and can cause a lot of distress on the part of the employee. The other frustrating part of having a “bully boss” is that the current economy is not allowing for a lot of job change; so, you may feel rather stuck in your situation.
There are ways you can deal with the “bully boss." Most importantly, you need to choose which way is most comfortable for you. First, decide for yourself on a scale from 1 to 10 (with 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest) how much the boss’ behavior is bothering you. If it is at a 2 or a 3, you may be able to avoid your feelings, at least for a little while. However, if you are at an 8 or greater, you definitely want to deal with the situation because it is likely impacting both your thoughts and feelings in a negative way (not to mention your productivity, your personal life and your overall well-being).
To begin addressing the problem, write on a piece of paper, that you can see every day, a positive thought such as “I am a good person and worthy of respect.” Repeat this to yourself each day, several times a day. Next, talk to your boss about your work using “I” language such as, “I want to do a good job and I would like to receive positive feedback from you. What can I change to make that happen?” Next, always keep the moral high ground. Maintain a calm, professional demeanor in all your interactions and, as a way for you to keep control of the situation, you can choose to be patient, kind or state something like, “I want to be sure I communicate effectively with you but it seems you are angry with me at this point; should we discuss this at a later time?” Also, talk to someone neutral and nonbiased (not a colleague, friend or significant other) about the situation so that you can process your feelings, receive support and have a safe space to share your frustrations.
Remember: the control problem is your boss’ problem, not yours; decide what control you do have over the situation, and focus your thoughts in a positive way that empowers you so that you explicitly convey the message that you are worthy of respect and professional interactions.
Comments
Thank you for this! This was very helpful.
Feed The Children
If the boss is a bully, just tell her to fuck off! Take her head on and ask her to mind her own business.
So how would one deal with a boss who is still being difficult even if you've done all of this, and more?
It's a horrible experience to be bullied. They said the best way to treat your employees is to treat them like your customers. I hope all bosses should always keep this in mind.
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