Have you ever heard the saying, ‘like attracts like’? It is based on the premise that we attract what we are. What happens though, when one makes changes in their life, yet continues to choose the same type of people? The result is forming the same types of relationships with the same kinds of issues. These patterns can include choosing unfaithful partners, distant partners, alcohol or substance abusers, or those with anger and/or domestic violence issues. Individuals tend to pick what they are comfortable with or familiar to. One may reject the right kind of partner because they do not feel comfortable with them. One needs to look at their history, their parents’ relationships, and the dynamics in the relationships they grew up around. We tend to mimic what we are used to, as well as to find partners whose personalities fit in to that dynamic. While making personal changes to achieve growth is essential to having healthy relationships, one must change what they feel familiar with to match their personal and outward changes. So perhaps ‘like attracts like’ is true; we just have to figure out what we are like on the inside such as what we are comfortable with, and change what we are comfortable with to match what we want.
Tips to learn to feel comfortable with what we want include,
1. Be aware of personality characteristics associated with what you are looking for and what to avoid.
2. Reject the potential partners who display characteristics to avoid, such as a bad temper, unfaithful or flirtatious behavior, drug use or frequent alcohol use, or irresponsible behavior such as inability to adequately support oneself or irresponsible spending.
3. Be aware of patterns in your potential partner’s past relationships, as well as their legal history, and choose only partners whose patterns match what you are looking for.
4. Make repeated efforts to spend time to get to know those individuals having the qualities you are looking for.
5. Associate only with those who have the qualities you are seeking in a partner.
It may take some time to become comfortable with the kind of partner you want. At first, you may have to force yourself not to associate with the kind of potential partners whose behaviors you want to avoid. These tips also include friendships and other associations if you want to create the life you truly desire.