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How the internet can wreak havoc on your marriage (if you let it)

Are you addicted?
Are you addicted?

I won’t even bother asking if you’re on Facebook or Twitter. I already know you are. Everyone is, and that’s the appeal of it. You get instant access to so many people from the comfort of your laptop. Who wouldn’t love that? It is fine to enjoy all the social networking we’ve got to choose from, but don’t let it become the mistress in your relationship.

With the popularity of social networking, coupled with the ease of texting, with each passing day, it gets easier and easier to “connect” without really connecting. This effect isn’t really important when you’re only talking about acquaintances and friends of friends with whom you never had a genuine relationship in the first place. However, when it comes to your spouse, it's a definite problem.

When you are married, you need to be with your spouse, quite literally. Kisses, hugs and any other type of physical affection help to create and strengthen the bond between the two of you. Intimate physical affection is one of the main things that separate a marital relationship from all others. You might hang out with your friends and chat all day. You might discuss with them deep and sensitive matters all day, but you don’t hug and kiss them all day, at least I hope you don’t. (If you do, you might need to read my article on infidelity.)That behavior is reserved specifically for your spouse, but you have to be near them to do it. When you allow your marriage to be reduced to nothing more than a set of romantic-sounding tweets, you open the door for all kinds of trouble to come tumbling in.

Sending them virtual kisses and teddy bears on Facebook is not enough. Sending very sweet and very public “I love you, boo” twitpics isn’t enough either. You need to do it in person. As busy as most couples are, the end of the day is often the only private time the two of you get. Make it count. Use that time to be close to each other. Carve out the time to ensure that the computer doesn’t take over the #1 spot on your priority list. Following are some simple tips to help you along the way.

  • Make your bedroom a "computer free" zone- If you have laptops, leave them in the living room, dining room, or home office. Do not bring them to bed.
  • Have a cutoff hour- Make a rule that neither of you can be online after 8 o'clock. This rule has an added benefit in that it forces you to get all your online work done earlier.
  • Schedule some physical time- It doesn't matter what you do during this time, as long as you're doing it together, without the computer involved.
  • Keep your love live offline- It's tempting to fill your status with "I love you" type messages, but save that for when you see them in person. It is too easy to get comfortable showing all your appreciation online. It also lets noisy people in your business. That's never a good thing.

Local spin: Turn the computer and cellphone off and go out for a grocery store dinner date. It's less formal (and cheaper) than a restaurant, and you can get your groceries together afterwards. Try Whole Foods on Metcalf in Overland Park, KS. They have 8.99 whole cheese pizzas on Fridays.

Sending beautiful energy your way,

~Nadirah Angail

Got a marriage question? Looking for some advice? That's what I'm here for. Feel free to email me at or leave a comment here. (Don't worry. It can be anonymous.)

All Kansas City Marriage Advice Examiner content ©2010 by Nadirah Angail Habeebullah; reposts permitted with copyright notice and link back to original article. All other rights reserved.



  • larry 5 years ago

    I can't lie. I've lost a few girls cause of facebook. got caught doing dirt.

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