Recently I have been noticing articles on women's lifestyle websites concerning dating site profiles. There are some about how to write a profile for "serious" interaction with dates, and then there's the quasi-comical articles about being able to notice red flags in a profile of somebody who gets your attention online. With all of this confusion, it's hard not to just give up hope and passively wait for love to somehow just "magically" come by.
From what I can notice, there seems to be a dual effect of the modern process of looking for love online. On one side you have people looking for explicitly promiscuous dates and on the flip side you have people trying to find a "perfect match" that supposedly has to lead to something "majorly significant." (AKA marriage)
The problem arises when you have one set of desires that includes feelings like physical attraction that involves chemistry and excitement, and then you have another set of requests that include practicality which seems oppositional to the first criteria; namely things like friendship and stability.
With that, it feels like both of these polarized ways of looking for a date couldn't possibly be taken seriously. Are daters nowadays supposed to choose between an electronically initiated nudge for a fling or an electronically initiated interview for marriage? With today's computer based dating searches, it's no wonder that the people just trying to date, in normal fashion, get electronically "peer pressured" onto one side or the other. That's kind of a jerky and awkward way to date, don't you think?
So here are the two truths you must know in order to break loose from a horrendous circle of either "too sleazy" or "too serious" dates when you find somebody you would like to date, being that it started online or not:
First Truth: Physical Attraction and Chemistry will always have to weigh against compatibility at some point.
Stop making these unrealistic standards for a "perfect date" simply because you have an abundance of choice online. Don't restrict yourself to people that seem flawless in their profiles pictures. It might just be that they will want you to be perfect...and how annoying is that? Initial chemistry is important, but note that even the most enamored couples have their attraction waned after some time being together. Physical attraction with no real compatibility will only land you in one pile of dates and that's probably not what the average person looking for love wants.
Second Truth: Practicality sounds like a better deal, until you start feeling like room mates.
So. Everything is fine and dandy until the day your "practical" pick for life suddenly, gets too ignorable. Maybe the practical ways you deal with each other have become a source of lurking distance. This is horrible, but there's no way to "fix" it, everything is already, well, practical. (So, even looking for steadfastness can even backfire with the wrong set of events.) To avoid this, you do need to make it clear that if you are looking for a long term relationship eventually (keep that word "eventually" in mind and let your date know that "eventually" means that things need to evolve one step at time), never assume that people who state online that they want "something serious" will tack down your personality to either "acceptable" or "unacceptable." Frankly, the only way to relieve the idea of being "the One" for somebody else is to let go of the idea that you need to find The One. Let a date, turn into two and so on, just like old fashioned dating, as if you didn't read his/her online profile. This is basically the most "practical" way of finding that spark!
When it's all said and done, online dating can be tough but you have to be realistic about what melding physical attraction and compatibility actually involves. It involves not getting ahead of yourself and realizing that the cupid works best in person with your patience.