This is the final segment of my very personal 3-part story
Now, at the age of 39, my journey has been a sobering roller coaster. Breast cancer at 37 that has now potentially spread to another part of my body (I find out next week). Notice of foreclosure two weeks after my cancer diagnosis. Private medical insurance cancelled six months later. Jobless since October 2009 and now homeless as of June 6 of this year. Life has been hard.
From being a flight attendant for nine years, to being desperately grateful for food stamps after living on oatmeal and spaghetti, I am currently in the darkest valley yet. But the only way I am able to survive it is knowing that God is beside me and before me every step of the way. None of this suffering is in vain. No pain is ever wasted when it fortifies a flimsy part of our faith, and brings us closer to the Father. When life and everything that comes along with it renders us powerless and disarms our hope, we can only look to the Strong One to hold us up. Our every weakness is the perfect place for God to show us His strength.
This life is impermanent. I am not afraid to die. I have learned to love people dearly, but hold them loosely, because things can drastically change in a very sudden moment. The numerous futile things we possess that we hold in such high esteem are of no lasting value. The only thing that matters is our life in the hereafter. Our souls are the only part of us that will live out in eternity.
Speaking as one who has lost nearly everything, as long as I have Jesus I can make it. I have cried, I have been depressed, I have felt deserted, I have been done wrong, but I have to remind myself that life in this fallen world is full of tribulation. Suffering is imminent and pain is a lesson. God knew when He saved me a week before my 21st birthday that I would face all this. I would not have lasted one week of this road without Him. And when I am gone, whenever that is, I just want people to know the true, benevolent God I serve and believe in, and I hope to see as many of those precious souls in Heaven.
“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” – Philippians 1:21
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