Rosa’s sex drive was strong just a few short years ago, but now it had severely tapered off and threatened her marriage. In all other areas of her life, she was successful. She owned a small business, married for 15 years, and had two wonderful children. But this area eluded her. Just the thought of having sex exhausted her. Tired of initiating, her husband eventually stopped asking resulting in increased tension.
Perhaps your story is similar. So how does this happen? Is it hormonal? It could be, so get tested for this first. But once your hormones are in balance, the next area to investigate is your level of exhaustion.
There are two kinds of exhaustion. One is physical from the demands of a busy overbooked schedule. The other is psychological due to unmet needs, expectations, ambitions, and hopes. It is compounded by tragedies, disappointments, rejections, and harsh realities. And it has encompassed nearly every aspect of your life including your sex drive.
Here are four ways exhaustion negatively contributes to a decreased sex drive:
- Over-gratifying – You try so hard to please others that the entire point of the activity is lost. This is especially true sexually. Sex becomes a chore, something on your “To-Do” list rather than a blissful escape from your everyday demands. You focus on pleasing your mate at the expense of your own enjoyment. Eventually, sex becomes undesirable.
- Over-protective – You withdraw or withhold intimacy because you feel the need to defend your decisions, actions, beliefs, and emotions. A lack of communication, unresolved conflict, and past hurtful words cause to you become self-protective. Instead of intimacy being a place of safety and security, you feel even more vulnerable to attack.
- Over-thinking – Admit it, while you are having sex your mind often wanders. Before you know it, you are obsessing over a conversation, decision, or event. It is not like there is any new insight, the obsession just seems to take over. This severe distraction keeps you from enjoying sex. Any repetitive behavior can become a habit. If you have developed a habit of over-thinking during sex, no wonder you don’t find pleasure in it. Who would?
- Over-whelmed – The latest work project just blew up, the house looks like a disaster, the kids need to be several places at once and your husband has a late meeting. You are stressed to the point of daily exhaustion and feel crushed by the weight of everyday chores, demands, and expectations. Who has the energy for sex after all of that?
There is hope for your exhaustion. It can be beat. Acknowledgment is the first step towards healing, the next is taking some new action. Try these suggestions:
- Over-gratifying – Talk to your spouse about what you enjoy sexually. If you need more romance, create a romantic atmosphere. Take charge of meeting your sexual needs.
- Over-protective – Be open with your spouse about past hurts and forgive. Holding onto the past hurts you far more than it hurts him.
- Over-thinking – As soon as your mind wanders, refocus your thoughts on your spouse. In your mind, thank him for the many things he does do. Better yet, speak it out loud.
- Over-whelmed – Have sex when you are most rested during the day. This may be first thing in the morning or after a warm bath.
Don’t let exhaustion take over. Your sex life can be better and you can find freedom from your exhaustion.
For more tips, read Christine Hammond’s new book, The Exhausted Woman’s Handbook. You may purchase it at Xulon Press, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and iBooks.