AP Photo/Gemunu Amarasinghe
Stop touching me! Mom, Billy was in my room again and he took my stuff! I am going to tell Mom and then you are really going to get it! The list goes of things that kids and teens say to each other goes on and on. Why do kids/teens seem to fight constantly and what can we do as parents to stop the constant bickering.
Parents these days usually feel at their wit’s end by the end of the day. This is not because of finances, their job, or having too much housework, it is usually a result of family issues. When parents have to hear the constant fighting and bickering between their kids as well as saying the same things to their kids over and over, it becomes very exasperating to them.
Sibling rivalry, a common term, is the constant competition, fighting, and jealousy between brothers and sisters. The causes of sibling rivalry are usually the result of:
Children fighting in families where anger and aggression is normal and acceptable
When each child is trying to figure out their place as an individual in their family
When children feel that they are getting an unfair amount of attention from their parents and feel that their parents have picked “a favorite”
Stress is either in the parent’s or the kid’s lives and anger and frustration have escalated in the home and are causing conflicts
What can parents do to help their children resolve their conflicts in order to have a more peaceful home environment:
1.) The most important one is to NOT play favorites. This one will get you in trouble every time.
2.) Enjoy each child’s strengths and weaknesses and don’t focus on the things in your child that you do not like.
3.) Do not compare your kids to each other. This causes anger and hurt feelings.
4.) Let your kids be kids and develop their own personality. Kids are just like adults, they are just trying to find their way in life and have similar personal struggles.
5.) Teach them how to share and respect each other’s belongings and privacy. This will avoid a lot of fighting in the future.
6.) Set aside time for each child individually in order to make them feel special.
7.) Give each child/ teen time to themselves. Everyone needs a chance to do their own thing.
8.) Be fair and consistent. Explain parenting decisions to them and reassure them that you are trying to meet their individual needs. No two children are alike, so you will not be able to parent them exactly the same.
For more info: Books for parents:
Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Become Cooperative, Caring and Compassionate, by Peter Goldenthal
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