I'm a 32-year old black male that has had a tough time meeting good women or women that I want. I'm not a bad looking guy but I'm not Denzel either but I notice I don't get much attention from women and can't understand why. I would see women and try to make eye contact with them and notice that they look straight through me. When women I work with get to know me, they all say nice things about me but if I see someone out in public, they always look through me. I've always thought my height (5'7) has something to do with it because I notice taller guys (even if they're not attractive guys) get attention at first glance. What can I do to get more attention from women?
Getting-passed-over in Grand Prairie
Dear Psyching- yourself-out,
Two thoughts came to mind immediately for me when I read your letter. The first, as you may have guessed from the above is that you're psyching yourself out before you even get to the field. What is extremely attractive to me, and I know to a lot of women out there, is the way a man carries himself. Confidence, self-assuredness, the "swagger"- whatever you want to call it. Now if you walk into a situation and you have already decided that most women will probably just look right through you, or that you may not get the attention that taller guys do, your setting yourself up to be overlooked.
I believe the universe is a mirror, reflecting back what one sends out. I'm 5'2", so a man that is 5'7" is perfect for a girl like me. Perhaps the reason why taller men seem to get more attention is because they carry themselves as if they will? Hmmmm. Something to think on. Perhaps in your own mind, you feel like you want to be taller- or that you should be taller. If you feel as if you are lacking something, that will come through in the way you present yourself to others. (One could substitute the word taller for: shorter, skinnier, fatter, richer, the list goes on...) You told me what others think of you. What do you think of you?
That leads me to my next point. Once you know and like you, determine what 'good looks like to you', then you must 'put yourself in a position to find good'. What kind of girl are you hoping to attract? If you are looking for a studious, quiet girl but going to dance clubs- that's not going to work. You may have a great time at the club, but probably won't find a girl you will be happy with.
Ya see where I am going with this? Determine the type of person you are and what you want from a mate, and then put yourself in situations where you run into those types of people naturally. Go out and have fun being you- no matter if that is in a library, gym, art gallery, symphony, or dance club. When you are engaged in activities that you enjoy, you will find that confidence comes naturally because you are in a situation you feel good in.
Have you tried any form of online dating, and if so how?
It's not the only way to meet people, but it is another medium in which to meet them. Check out some related articles:
Introducing yourself in online dating?
Obviously that last one was in response to a woman, but I still think the advice applies to all :)
Write me back in a couple months and let me know how you're doing.