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Hot Valentine tips from online dating expert Julie Spira, a Q & A

As we get closer to Valentine’s Day, Julie Spira is a name you will be reading about and hearing about often on national television and in the news. She is the best-selling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating, and she is one of the most sought-after personalities in the world of online dating. If you are dateless and want some tips on how to find a date for Valentine’s Day, pay close attention to what she has to say.

Julie has been helping singles find love online for years, created her first Internet dating profile in 1994, and has appeared on more TV shows than we have space to mention. She is also CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. http://cyberdatingexpert.com

Here is my interview with her.

Q: What made you decide to try online dating 11 years ago?

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JULIE: I was a very busy marketing executive working in the satellite communications industry. I suddenly found myself single, so as an early adopter of the Internet, I created a profile on Love@AOL and shortly thereafter started writing profiles for my friends.

Q: What was online dating like in the early days?

JULIE: I recall the slow dial-up connection, where we were charged per minute while looking for love online. It wasn’t unusual to have a monthly bill of $200-$300. By comparison, today we are very spoiled with fixed rates or free online dating services and high-speed and wireless Internet. Also in the early days the ratio of men to women was much higher than it is today, where it’s close to equal now.

Q: What do you recommend to singles leading up to Valentine’s?

JULIE: It’s time to ramp up your search. That means logging onto your online dating site every day, mixing up your photos and updating your profile so it ranks higher in a search. It’s time to be proactive and write to at least five people a day, and make sure you write to those who have viewed your profile, as they’re more likely to respond to your email.

Q: What are some of the mistakes that singles make with online dating?

JULIE: You’d be surprised, but some singles still don’t post photos. That would be like sending a resume to your dream employer and not providing your contact information. Often I see emails sent with the subject line blank. No subject equals no reply. It’s a competitive digital landscape, so you need to personalize your email to each person that you initiate contact with. 

Q: What other advice can you give to singles this Valentine’s?

JULIE: Don’t be lazy and send just a wink or a flirt. You really need to be proactive about your search and look at your love life higher on the totem pole as your dream job. That means having an irresistible online dating profile complete with a catchy screen name, terrific photos, and a bio interesting enough to pique her or her curiosity. I recommend that you avoid the cliché’s and please, delete the photos with someone’s arm hanging over your shoulder.

Q: What can you do to guarantee a second date?

JULIE: There are no guarantees, as dating is a numbers game. If you think there’s chemistry when you first meet, remember to leave the baggage behind. That means don’t talk about your ex-wife or ex-husband or the number of dates you’ve been on lately. Focus on the one person sitting across the table from you. We all have a past, but it’s not first date material. At the end of the first date, if you like someone, let him or her know and schedule a second date on the calendar.

Q: You talk often about online dating safety. Do you have any tips you’d like to share?

JULIE: It should go without saying that you need to meet in a public place and let someone know where you are going, but sometimes singles get caught up in the romance, especially after a few drinks.

I urge singles not to give out their home phone number or address. I recommend that you don’t even provide your last name on the first date.

If you’re uncomfortable for any reason, just excuse yourself and leave. Recently I heard about the second woman whose car was stolen by her online date. Remember, you’re meeting someone you only know from behind the computer screen.

So ladies, get out that red dress and some sparkles for your neck and get ready to party.

For more information on Julie’s Irresistible Online Dating Profiles, visit CyberDatingExpert.com/irresistiblecoaching and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

A category list of articles on love, marriage, and INFIDELITY FAST FACTS  appearing in the Examiner and in the Providence Journal  -- as well as my Yale University affiliation, biography, and phone number, is at:  Rita Watson - Love Columnist

Follow me on Twitter LoveColumnist

Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

, Love and Marriage Examiner

Rita Esposito Watson writes about love, lies, commitment and sex for both her syndicated blog at www.ritawatson.com and the Providence Journal. She was formerly at Yale and the New York Times.

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