As an adult, there comes a time in our lives where we question our upbringing. This is especially poignant as we try to properly raise our own children. Sure, Mom and Dad did the best they could to raise outstanding citizens, but did they sometimes overlook the basics?
Hot dog etiquette, for instance was assumed. Little did they know that we still needed their guidance. As a child, all was forgiven when it came to hot dogs. As an adult, all kind of rules abound. We weren't taught that. No, we were unleashed into the world with their convictions only to realize that the world lives by strict rules of conduct...bylaws. Laws that govern even the hot dog.
As we struggle to raise a better generation, should we not try to emphasize proper hot dog etiquette? Teach your children the rules of the bun and even if they end up homeless, they'll at least order a hot dog with dignity.
Do...
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serve hot dogs on plain, sesame seed or poppy seed buns only. Funny flavored buns such as basil infused or olive impregnated are an insult.
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skip the utensils. Knives or forks are for children under the age of six years. Adults are only allowed hands. Seniors over the age of ninety may use injections, but only under the care of a physician.
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not use your wedding flatware. Fine china is pretentious and not allowed. Paper plates are preferred. Festive colored paper plates are acceptable only on special occasions.
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not use cloth napkins. Paper napkins are for the weak. God gave us a tongue, didn't he? Use it for cleaning and not your political views.
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pick your mustard wisely. Fancy overseas mustard tells the world a lot about who you're not.
Don't...
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use ketchup on a hot dog if you're old enough to drive. Mustard, relish and onions only. Chili and cheese are acceptable.
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use herbs or fancy spices. Their presence may confuse real hot dog connoisseurs into thinking they're at the wrong party.
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add toppings to the bun before the dog arrives. Once the hot dog is in place, “dress the dog”.
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leave the end of the bun on your plate. Eat it all! Giving it to the cat or dog is considered cheating and may disqualify you from future festivities.
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send thank you notes following a hot dog cook out. It contradicts the unpretentious nature of hot dogs.
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serve wine at a hot dog barbecue. Beer, soda, lemonade and iced tea are preferred.
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ever think there is a wrong time to serve hot dogs.
Did you know...
Chicago's O'Hare International Airport consumes SIX times more hot dogs, 725,000 more than Los Angeles International Airport and LaGuardia Airport combined.
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