Horrendous Rubik's Revolution tarnishes image of classic cube

If a game company adapts a classic into something modern, snazzy, and ultra-cool, that's just fine.  Electronic versions of truly time-tested puzzles, for instance, can add extra punch and appeal to old concepts, just so long as such designs are executed well.  Fail to meet even mediocre standards for electronic voice quality, throw away original game mechanics almost entirely, and make the game itself physically awkward to handle, however, and you've got a gigantic failure on your hands. 

Rubik's Revolution, as an update of Rubik's Cube, commits all the above sins and more.  Upon opening the package, this reviewer immediately realized that this eyesore of a game (tastelessly decorated with kitschy reflective labels) requires 3 triple-A batteries.  The box warned of that, but nowhere was a notification that batteries were actually included to be found.  Therefore, a significant amount of time was wasted with the strangely positioned and deeply embedded single screw that supposedly, once removed, would allow access to the battery connections.  Too bad all the screwdrivers I could find were too wide!  A game like this isn't worth going to Sears and buying a new, pencil-thin Craftsman for, even if it were actually fun.

Good thing (or is it?) that I eventually decided to just flip the "on" switch.  It turned on fine, and then blasted an incredibly loud and obnoxiously robotic voice, which proceeded to list all six available games for the cube, as it does every time you return to the main menu.  The game's redundancy, in this sense, is utterly aggravating.

All these characteristics might have still allowed for decent gameplay.  After all, I hadn't even gotten very far yet. The true test would come via the quality of Rubik's Revolution's physical and mental challenges, both accessed and played by pressing lit buttons depressed within the middle square of each side.  Alas, only one such sub-game, called "Rapid Recharge," is even remotely enjoyable.  In it, lights turn on randomly and then begin to fade; the only way to keep them on is to "charge" them by pressing them repeatedly.  After a while, multiple lights are on at once, and you are forced to scramble to keep them all on!

This is reasonably fun stuff, but it's a shame how little ingenuity can be found in the other five games, which include a direct rip-off of Simon Says, a boring brute-force "decoding" puzzle, and a lame multiplayer hot-potato version.  In this latter case, accidentally dropping the cube and breaking its electronics while attempting to hand it off is a distinct possibility.  Ultimately, at least one can sit back and laugh at how the computer voice pronounces "Code Cracker" to sound exactly like "Crude Cracker" instead.

Keep in mind, too, that although Revolution may look similar to the original Cube and keep its shape, absolutely none of the original color-shifting gymnastics are to be found.  Namely, you can't actually rotate the sides of the cube; they're stuck in place.  One could remove the flashy stickers, wire the buttons to a pyramid, or whatever, and not lose anything from this design or make one's brain or fingers think or act any differently.  By all appearances, the Rubik's name was licensed to some folks who needed a boost for their otherwise unrelated product, and for that the Rubik's folks should be ashamed.

Avoid this game at all costs.  Rubik's Revolution is made by Techno Source, and retails for $15.  It earns my Thumbs-Down Award for Unusually Bad Game Design.  Have fun, and never lose that competitive spirit!