It’s not that often that we ladies understand men and their emotions, but once in a while we get to take a peek into the minds of men, if only for a millisecond. I was able get some info from a small group of single guys and get a guy’s eye view of what they worry about while on a first date or newly dating someone. Below are five of the most common fears these men expressed to me when I sat down with them. I think you’ll be interested to read, ladies, that men may have some of the same fears as you do.
To kiss or not to kiss
One thing all of the guys had in common was that they were unsure of when to kiss the girl and if they should kiss on the first date. They don’t want to come off as too forward, yet they want to let her know he is interested. They don’t know where the happy medium is and are not sure if they are reading her signals right. Do they skip the kiss all together and just hug? Even with hugging; do they give the one arm pat hug, a tight embrace, or the ‘ass out’ hug? Kissing is even more stressful for them. With the hug they can take cues from the gal, but most likely the man is the one to initiate the kiss at the end of the date. The first kiss is awkward to begin with and it’s almost expected at the end of the night, and a lot of anxiety comes with it as well as inner dialogue. ”Does my breath stink? Will I miss her mouth completely? Will she be a good kisser?” One of my guy pals even said that he prefers not to kiss on the first date because he likes to build anticipation for the second date. My advice as a woman is to be confident that you want to kiss her and do it without hesitation. She will let you know if she doesn’t want to accept your kiss. If it’s awkward at first, it could become a great kiss.
Excess baggage from previous relationships
I have heard this fear quite a few times while talking with male friends. Guys are scared that the woman he is dating is not over her ex or that the breakup is still fresh. A lot of these men who complain about this have first hand been dragged into the drama while beginning to date a woman because the previous relationship she had was not completely over emotionally. Men are also afraid that his girl will assume he will have certain traits because of what her ex did/how he treated her/what kind of person he was. Men want to start a new relationship with a clean slate. They want an emotionally stable woman who he doesn’t have to coddle because of damage done by a recent break up. Men do not want to be blamed for things your ex’s did. These men are different from your ex, and should be treated so. Ladies (and guys), make sure you are over your last relationship before you dive into another one. You should be emotionally ready when you start to date again.
That she has an STD
This should be a concern and a fear for everyone, not just men. STDs are serious business and it is definitely something to worry about. Communication is always best when you get to the level in your relationship. It’s ok to ask your mate if they have or ever had an STD. It is encouraged to help stop the spread of STDs and also to know your partner. Since this is and should be a fear for men and women, everyone should disclose if they have or had an STD in the past.
What does she think about me?
Men are concerned about what you will think of them. They worry if they are underdressed, overdressed, or if you like their style. A couple of them even admitted to me that they change their outfit a few times right before they leave the house for the date. Guys wonder if the haircut they just got is too obvious or too short or too long, or if they will cut themselves shaving. They worry about saying something stupid, talking too much, or too little. They want to make a good first impression and all of these things go through their mind. Don’t try to impress her by speaking as you usually wouldn’t or with big stories that make you sound fake. Just be yourself and if she doesn’t like you for who you are, move on.
How to deter awkward silences
Isn’t it uncomfortable when you are sitting at the table with your date and suddenly there is a lull in the conversation? Both of you are looking at each other, then down, then at something in the distance while racking your brain to try to think of something to say. Men worry about their conversation skills and the willingness his date has to interact. They hope they can bring the date out of that awkward silence if they have too. What if she isn’t a good conversationalist? How awkward is it to ask question after question getting one word answers? Very. He also doesn’t want to be too inquisitive, but may come off that way just by trying to trigger a conversation. Sometimes there isn’t much he can do to continue a conversation if it just isn’t flowing. It happens. Chalk it up to not having similar conversation styles or much in common. If you’re good, you can try to revive the lifeless conversation by remembering something she had said to you in the past and asking her about it. If she is still giving you one word answers she may be nervous or just not that into you. Take the clues and act accordingly by closing the date and letting her know it won’t work out as a match.