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Highway covered in butter after accident

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A highway in Indianapolis was covered in over 11 tons of butter today after a semi truck trailer turned over on the interstate. The accident happened around 3:30 this morning on Interstate 65. Surprisingly, there are no reports of anybody showing up to dunk crab legs into it.

No one was injured in the accident. Rumors churned that it was caused when the driver fell asleep at the wheel. The butter was actually packaged in containers, so the actual mess was not as bad as it seems. Luckily the accident didn’t take place in Iowa, where presumably it would’ve been stolen by locals to carve in an epic contest.

The better butter cleanup battle is expected to take a few hours, and trucks filled with rolls and pancakes are probably on their way to help. Unfortunately, most of the butter will be trashed after being scooped up with a front end loader. We can’t believe they aren’t using a ridiculously large knife.

Officials should be given a pat on the back for not spreading themselves too thin during the accident, though a couple lanes of traffic will be closed during the cleanup. Some of the containers did break open during the accident, so the highway was lightly coated in areas.

It seems the city missed out on a huge opportunity. There could have been butter skating, butter wrestling, heck, even just go out there and wait for it to heat up and cook a few eggs on there. Sadly, none of these things happened, as Indianapolis is widely regarded as one of the most boring cities in the United States. And now we know why.

When the universe offers you a giant butter spill on the highway, you should put on your best butter diving outfit, get out there and ride that sweet dairy wave. It really melts our hearts that they didn’t stick it out and do just that.

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