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Hex needs a spell to find an audience

Hex a mess for movie goers!
Hex a mess for movie goers!
Jonah Hex Poster

Jonah Hex was a pretty dopey comic book as I recall, and the idiocy continues in the film of the same name. Poor Josh Brolin must've done this one for the money as he plays the title character with as much Clint Eastwood, raspy voiced, swagger as he can muster in this Western/Gothic/Super Hero combo platter of uneven ideas, banging together as annoyingly as those inertia balls on an executive's pricey, antique desk.

Hex is a Civil War Confederate Officer who turns on his commanding officer, Turnbull (John Malkovich), after refusing to follow an immoral order to kill innocents.

Turnbull later retaliates, after the war is over, by killing Hex's wife and son, and branding Hex on the right cheek, which makes Jonah's Facebook page not much to look at... Oops, that's right, there's none of that in 1876 centennial America.

Hex almost dies, but is spirited back to life by Native Americans smoking and chanting away like hippies at Woodstock. This near death experience gives Hex the ability to talk to the dead (which means he would've been able to speak to half the audience in the theater midway through the first hour of this puppy) .

When Hex hears that Turnbull, thought dead, is back and trying to secure a secret weapon of mass destruction, he dismounts his gal pal (Megan Fox), and saddles up his pony to get his revenge!

Who will like Jonah Hex? Western lovers? No way, too Gothic, and the action is less "High Noon" and more high colonic. Gothic lovers? Not likely, as they will all be saving their money to see the sexy vampires in the Twilight series (if you can call that Gothic). Comic book lovers? Nope, simply because the comic book aspects of the film are mostly found in the cartoonish acting.

Now, I'm not saying that Jonah Hex might not be able to mildly entertain devotees of the comic book that were lusting after a film version for many years, or that tweens might not like it a little for what it's worth, but the problem here is: it's not worth much.


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