First Aid Headquarters, Dalaran- In an amazing healthcare breakthrough of a caliber not seen since the discovery of Fish Feast, leading researchers now claim that a variety of ailments--from fatigue to massive blood loss--can be treated and in most cases even cured by what scientists are now calling "Sitting down for a while."
"I'm simply astounded," says Olissara the Kind, grand master first aid trainer, "In all my years of applying bandages, I never once thought to ask myself if the act of sitting quietly while the bandages were being applied might have any recuperative effect on the patient." Olissara, whose credentials include a degree from the University of Dalaran and several thousand achievement points in first aid, went on to add, "Now I have to ask myself if the bandages themselves are even necessary."
Similar sentiments are being voiced all over Azeroth, especially in the alchemist community where widespread fears about the solidity of the potions and flasks market is causing major concern.
"If this 'sitting down' thing becomes popular enough, I might be out of a job," says Marvax Jenkins, a warlock from Undercity. "These potions I make help feed my family. What am I supposed to do if people stop buyin 'em?"
"All of this," he continued, indicating his store of reagents and flasks, some painstakingly gathered, some purchased from auction houses at high cost, and some inherited from other members of the community, "every thing I own will be worthless."
Presumably less worried are other professional healers, including priests, shamans, druids, and some paladins. Unfortunately, only one--a holy Darnassian priest named Lumbago--could be reached for comment, despite several repeated advertisements in the trade bulletin.
"You know, I had only just figured out a new method of pre-healing with my Glyph of Flash Heal," said Lumbago, "and you're telling me sitting down is all it takes? Screw this. I'm moving to Vana'diel. Call me when there's a cataclysm."
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