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Hercules? Could we give names to heat waves too?

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Snow storm Hercules hit Connecticut today and since this storm has a name I was thinking it would be exceptionally heavy. Instead it's no different than any other storm this winter. Maybe other parts of New England got hit worse but where I am (about the very center of Connecticut) it's an average snow falling with a couple of extra inches.

But it's "Hurcules"! I don't know why it has a name but I can give a cynical explanation. In a typical newsroom the anchorman (alright anchorwomen, ah, my sexist spell check doesn't say that's a word) have "Obamcare", "Plume affair", "Watergate", "Trayvon Case", "Operation Desert Storm". The sports reporter has the "Super Bowl", "World Series", "Rose Bowl". The weather guy has "eight inches coming from the east". Not fair.

Another explanation could be that a given governor could issue a "State of Emergency" Oh.My.Freaken.(insert your personal diety here) on account of HERCULES! Just like ancient Persia or Carthage or whoever it was the real/mythical Hercules saw fit to kick butt.

And then there's the type of name they give this storm that makes it suspiciously phoney. Certainly it couldn't be called "Debbie" that would undermine the reason for a name in the first place. We can give hurricanes girl names because they're hurricanes and there's no way we can name down their danger. But we can name up snow storms and you can't do that with Debbie. Yea, I know, it's sexist but think what would happen if a governor called in the National Guard on account of "Debbie".

So the next step would be to give heat waves names too. "Hades!" That would be my personal pick. "Remember heat wave Hades?" fitting too. "Hot as hell" yuk yuk. Droughts? how bout "Ashley" we can girl this just for that particular name alone. Perfectly sunny day? "Frank", "Ed" anything mundane. "We had Frank followed by Ed and George and then Jim till it got to be too much and in came Hades that turned into Ashley, what a summer" You know we still call mild autumns "Indian Summers". That's right. I was watching a Redskin game during an Indian Summer. It happened this year.

But let's not forget the weatherman still has everyone in the newsroom beat because no matter how bad the news can be or how important a sports event, nothing is worse than apocalypse. Yes, the weatherman has the grandaddy of all news events and the name of that even got an upgrade from "Global Warming" (yea and, I lover Florida, what's the big deal?) to "Climate Change" (wait a minute this is serious). This is why the weatherman is the most important person in the newsroom.



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