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Her dating fears

I gave you a look into the mind of men and their dating fears in this article. Now let’s take a look at women. In the same fashion, I got input from a group of my gal pals to see what their insecurities are. Women are known for having insecurities, as everyone does in one way or another. Perhaps this will give men a better understanding of what goes on in the minds of women when it’s time for the first date. Maybe it will give women a chance to relate to some of these fears or realize that they have one of them. Regardless, both parties have some sort of fear or insecurity while dating. Recognizing that both of you are scared and insecure about something is comforting that you’re not alone.

Am I attractive enough?
This is something that happens in most women’s minds. For those lucky few who do not worry about whether the man will find you attractive—great self confidence! I admire you. Blind dating is especially hard in this area. You hope that he finds you attractive, but you also hope he is attractive as well. Am I right? The way to look at this fear in its ugly face is to understand that your face is not ugly. We have a nasty habit of looking at ourselves in the mirror and putting ourselves down. “I hate my nose”, “I hate my hair”, “I hate my body”, etc, etc. Stop doing that. Focus on what you like about yourself and admire and congratulate yourself when you look in the mirror. This will give you a nice boost of confidence before you walk out that door to meet your date. Wear clothing that makes you feel good. Don’t try a new style that day if you don’t feel comfortable in it. Wear those jeans you love and rock them! The confidence permeating off of you will make you even that more attractive to him.

Will I say something wrong?
Women worry about how we will come across to our date. Are we too meek, abrasive, chatty, is our laugh annoying? Everyone tends to alter their personality a little bit on the first few dates. We want to create the best impression possible. This is true. Women are genuinely worried they will say something that is not in the same opinion as their date or against what they believe. They worry about the date thinking we are ‘not cool’ for thinking a certain way or liking a certain thing or that they will be offended by something we say. Don’t censor yourself so much that who you are on your date is no longer ‘you’. Be yourself. I don’t recommend you continuously curse, but you have opinions and they may not be the same as your date. That is okay! This can lead to a great conversation. This is what makes learning about people so interesting. Safely said…men want you to be yourself and express your thoughts and opinions. Besides, if not liking sci-fi thrillers is a deal breaker for him, then you need to move on anyways, sister.

Is he emotionally ready to have a relationship?
How many times have you been out with a guy, he’s great, it went great but didn’t go anywhere because he wasn’t ready to start anything new? It’s happened quite a few times to more than one of us. Before you know it, you hear through the grapevine he is in a committed loving relationship…with someone else. So now we are worried that the person we are spending time with will not be ready. It’s something that at the time it happens we just don’t understand what went wrong, and we don’t want to feel that again, so we question (in our minds) every man we go out with. There really isn’t anything you as a woman can do to avoid this. It is something that you take a chance on. Realize that there are situations and issues in his life that you have no idea about and have nothing to do with you. Continue to keep your heart open, and you’ll be surprised that not every man is going to be reluctant to start something new.

Is he going to kiss me and how is it going to be?
Men have this same fear, as you’ve read in my article, ‘His dating fears’, What makes this a little more unique is that my gal pals expressed that not only do they have anxiety over whether he will kiss her or not, but if it will be a good kiss or not. Everyone has their own kissing styles, and sometimes they just don’t mesh well together. This is a legitimate concern. What if you don’t want to kiss him or avoid the situation all together? I say, send out the signal for what you want. Let me first back up by saying that in my opinion, a kiss should be an ‘in the moment’ thing. Not something contrived and expected at the end of your first date. However, it seems to be a social question in everyone’s mind ‘kiss or not to kiss’’ after the date. Ladies, if you do not want to get a kiss, give him a hug (or not) and step away immediately so he doesn’t read your signals incorrectly. If you want to, you know what to do. Now, worrying about whether the kiss will be horrid or if sparks will fly is the other concern. You won’t know unless it happens, so keep an open mind about it. Usually the first kiss is going to be awkward anyways, so don’t put too much stock into it.

Will he call again?
We don’t know whether or not this man will call again. It’s a chance we all take when we go out with someone. If he doesn’t call you ever again, then A. he is not interested and B. you probably don’t want to hear from him anyways. It does suck when he doesn’t call after your date, and you really liked him. We’ve all been there. You go over the events of your date again and again in your head and wonder what you did wrong. If you were yourself and had fun on your date, then great! It’s his loss anyways. There could be something else going on in his life that has nothing to do with you. Avoid calling him weeks later to ask why. And please, please do not call a local radio station like Channel 955 to contact him for the ‘Second Date Update” to ask him why he didn’t call you. I’ve listened to those segments, and they just make the other person look like a fool. Chalk it up to one of those dates, and continue your quest to find the perfect mate.

If you have a fear or insecurity not in this article and you’d like to let me know or you’d like to read about a particular subject, feel free to comment or send me an email at Detroit.dating@gmail.com 
 

photo: Content © 2009 Corbis All rights reserved.

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