Helping a teen cope with rejection or disappointment

When your teen has been rejected by the college of his choice, not gotten the job she thought she interviewed so well for, lost a scholarship to a best friend, or been rejected by a boyfriend or girlfriend, it is important to remember that rejection is a perfectly normal but difficult and often heartbreaking-experience of growing up. While it is hard to watch your child suffer, it is important that parents retain faith in the resilience of teenagers.

Your attitude as a parent can make a huge difference to how your child handles rejection. If you see rejection or disappointment as a problem, your child may adopt the same view. See them as challenges, and your teen is more likely to adopt your view and deal with disappointments more easily.

Here are 5 tips to help a teen deal with rejection or disappointment.

1. Let your child vent his or her frustration, anger, or sadness. Bottling up emotions isn’t healthy.  Listen to your child, and offer a sympathetic ear. Avoid platitudes designed to help your teen feel better.
2. Acknowledge the fact that the situation may be disappointing and that your teen is likely to personalize it.  Remind your child that being hired, getting into a particular college, and other similar situations can be very random at times.  Rejections are not personal.
3. Give him or her the time and space to regroup after rejection. Whether your teen decides to eat junk food, listen to music, hide out in their bedroom or sulk around for a few days, recognize that this is an acceptable, normal way of coping. Just monitor that it doesn’t last for weeks.
4. Encourage your teen to reach out and find support from others. Hearing “you’re overreacting “ from a peer is easier than hearing it from a parent.
5. After a few days have passed and your teen has recovered from the drama, talk to him or her about formulating a new plan.  There are plenty of schools and jobs out there and it’s not true that only one specific one will lead to a happy and successful life.

Remember, and remind your teen, that failure is part of the growing up process. Often current failures lead to future successes. Say your piece and leave it at that. Difficult as it may be to watch your teen suffer, don’t get caught up in trying to make it better. More than likely that will backfire. Be there when your teen needs you and offer a sympathetic, nonjudgmental ear.