I have been a fan of Tori Spelling ever since her role as Donna Martin on the hit television show 90210. Over the years, I've followed her career and was always amazed at how she handles being in the public eye with such grace, style, as well as brutal honesty. As the daughter of probably the most well-known producer in television history, Aaron Spelling, she has had to endure more than most ever will. She is one of the strongest, iconic women of my generation, with the ability to touch so many with her own journey through life. She is truly a very special person.
Like everyone else, I remember hearing that Tori and Dean had fallen in love, were getting married and watched as they brought four beautiful children into this world. Through all the ups and downs, the purging of her warehouse and garage sale, the several different moves and business ventures, one thing remained- their love for one another. It was like watching a real-life fairytale. While I hate using that analogy, I think it's the best way to describe how I viewed their relationship. That's not to say relationships are fairytales in any way, they take very hard work, love, but most of all trust.
I've never been one to read any of the tabloid trash or Hollywood gossip rags because frankly, I feel celebrities and their private lives should be just that- private. It's none of my business who's pregnant with who's kid, who's getting divorced, who was spotted stepping out with another man or woman. Of course that is the nature of fandom; some thrive on this type of information and can't get enough.
Having said this, I guess I was the last to know of Dean's 2-night betrayal and just learned of it last week when I found True Tori on Lifetime. Before I go any further, I'd like to preface this by saying I have such strong feelings about what this family is going through, that I feel the need to express it. While I do watch some reality shows, my forte is reviewing and promoting scripted television and web produced serials. So please bear with me.
When I realized what happened my heart dropped. I couldn't believe it. How could Dean do this to Tori? His kids? Throw away all that they had built for seven years, all the trust in not one, but two nights of sex with another woman?
Throughout the five episodes we've seen thus far, one theme that really bothers me is that Dean is the one who cheated, yet most of Tori's energy is going to his needs! He had a breakdown, so her feelings remained bottled up, so much that it put her in the hospital! It's all been about his therapy, his treatment for alcoholism and Tori is left broken, with no real options. It ripped my heart out watching as Tori completely lost it, her wounded soul literally laid out in front of Dean, finally releasing how she was feeling. All Dean could do was apologize that he knew he fucked up and was clearly in pain watching hers.
While I know he has self-loathing issues now that the truth has come to light, he should be solely focused on Tori and what she needs. She was left with four kids over the holidays while Dean was missing out on their children's lives, making memories with his family and instead, is in Canada committing adultery! I firmly believe that Dean wasn't initially sorry for the affair, he's sorry he got caught! His life fell apart because Tori and the rest of the universe found out he cheated. What happened once the shit hit the fan? He has a nervous breakdown and goes to treatment for a couple of months while Tori is left trying to hold the house together with four kids. Her soul is completely dying because she knows they can never go back to the way things were between them. She'll never see Dean in the same light again. The trust is gone! Dean's little frolic will always be in the back of her mind, a shadow over all they do moving forward. Can she forgive him, of course I think she will. Tori is capable of forgiving him. But it will never go way.
Though it will affect his career, going off to do the show in Canada isn't where Dean's focus should be. Dean made his bed, now has to lie in it and if it means losing a job instead of his family, he shouldn't go! While he says Tori's feelings matter, he appeared to have no clue of how the news that his show was picked up for a second season affected her. He sat a bit dumbfounded during therapy when it was brought up. Yes, under normal circumstances it should have been a great moment for his career, as well as the family. However, after what happened he should have immediately refused the offer! Instead he makes it appear as though she's controlling him by even suggesting the fear and anxiety she will feel should he leave for two months, knowing temptation to stray is there.
I know that sex is a very important component of marriage, however, after what Tori has gone through with her last pregnancy a little understanding is in order. Just because Dean didn't have sex the night before he left for Canada, he decides to get it elsewhere? That is insane! That's where his mindset is upon leaving? "If she doesn't want me I'll find someone who will?" Really? What he did is tantamount to a child having a temper tantrum because he didn't get what he wanted! I think Tori is having a tough time with the fact that it happened not only one night, but two! Dean's response in therapy to this question was that he'd already screwed up so what's one more night? Unbelievable! As painful as this is for Tori, Dean must describe how this all happened for her to be able to forgive him and move forward- plain and simple.
Another thing that really tore me up was when, after Tori found out, focus was redirected from what he did, to the fact he might kill himself. He had a break down. I will say that this was really disturbing to hear. He has so much to live for. Although he has a lot of work to go through, killing himself definitely isn't the answer. Question I have is did Dean stop to think how hearing this would affect Tori and her mental state? Especially after just learning of his affair? What it would do to his kids if he was gone? Tori's love for Dean is so fierce and runs so deep, I'm sure it completely shattered her soul to know he even had the thought of leaving her that way!
However, as disturbing a revelation as that was, then Tori had to worry about his frame of mind, his welfare and if he's going to hurt himself! It takes great strength for someone to put aside their own mental well-being to deal with someone else's. Tori's voice was again stifled, put on hold until Dean could begin to handle her reactions.
This week I was glad to see them talk to Liam and Stella about how they were feeling. It's extraordinary to me that over the last six months, Dean hadn't really thought about how they might feel or what they were thinking when he was gone. I'm happy they are working on all this together but I fear that Tori's soul will ultimately suffer more permanent damage than Dean's.
Dean's MO is he feels trapped, like he's being controlled and so he runs from responsibility. It was very telling in the second episode when he tells the producer off-camera he just wants a divorce. It's a knee-jerk reaction because he doesn't want to grow up and deal with the mess he's made.
Meanwhile Tori's entire life, how she felt about him, saw him, their life and family is forever changed. I have a lot of respect for her, for what she's going through and for allowing the world to see her journey. My hope is that Tori and Dean will somehow get past this, though it won't be the same, they can get to a new place of love, understanding and trust.
My thoughts, prayers and love go out to Tori, Dean, Liam, Stella, Hattie and Finn as they move forward. Stay strong and true to yourselves.