The Liberal Examiner is exhausted by all the bluster and political irresponsibility (aren't public servants supposed to serve the public) coming out of Washington regarding health care reform, the public option, opt-ins, opt-outs and triggers. Because the Liberal Examiner is a patriotic American, he has decided to settle this whole mess once and for all (you can thank me later). With a nod to Senator Olympia Snow, who The Liberal Examiner does not recognize as President, Queen or anything other then a Senator representing (or not) the 40th most populous state in the union, The Liberal Examiner nonetheless proposes that Health Care Reform should come with a triggered public option! While this is not the trigger that Senator Olympia “I will blithely ignore the wishes and needs of my constituents” Snow has in mind, it is a trigger nonetheless!
Being a patriotic American, The Liberal Examiner thinks the American people should have what polls show they want and what they desperately need. The American health care system, as it is currently constituted, defines American exceptional-ism down in that all other industrialized nations have found a way to provide health coverage for all their citizens and to do so at nearly half the cost and produce better health outcomes! Americans are used to being world leaders and we frequently tell the rest of the world that we’re number one (we even have that foam finger-thingy), but when it comes to health care and health outcomes, we barely make the top 20!
So this is what we are going to do, we’re going to act like adults and acknowledge the fact that insurance companies are for profit organizations which, while they actually produce nothing, are either sucking the bank accounts of Americans dry (for the limited coverage they provide), or denying them coverage all together! To remedy this and provide the American people some much needed relief, a big government run insurance company will be established. This big government insurance company (The Liberal Examiner has no problem with big government programs; America is a big country) will initially be available only to the un and under insured and will have it’s reimbursement rates tied to Medicare + 5% (+ 8% for rural states) and it will be funded entirely by the premiums it collects (because it’s not an entitlement program). All Americans (95+ % anyway) will be required to buy insurance (their patriotic duty) and government subsidies will be provided for the poor and near poor. In a nod to the Republican moralizers, religious charlatans and those who sincerely oppose the totally legal procedure known as abortion, except in cases of rape, incest, to protect the health of the mother (or to kill the spawn of Limbaugh), none of the people who receive a government subsidy will be permitted to have an abortion unless they pay for it out of their own pockets! The Liberal Examiner regrets giving any concessions to these people, but if they don’t get to impose their will on poor people in some way, there is likely to be a bloodletting! Also, in a nod to that President disrespecting, lunatic, racist Congressmen Joe Wilson and the entirety of the Minute Man knuckle draggers, no illegal immigrants will be eligible to buy big government insurance. These folks don’t sign up for government programs anyway, but if it satisfies the loons and actually hurts nobody, the Liberal Examiner is all for it. Yea bipartisanship!
The Liberal Examiner understands that private insurance companies employ millions of Americans, so while he has nothing but contempt for the greedy, immoral and unpatriotic business model of their unpatriotic employers (The Liberal Examiner thinks Americans should be patriotic about something other then war), he holds the employees of these economic blood suckers harmless and he wants to preserve their jobs. As a result, private insurance companies can maintain their hold of the market share they currently enjoy. Their patrons will continue to be prohibited from obtaining big government run insurance, provided that their insurance providers reduce their premiums to at least the highest rate offered by the big government program within 12 moths after the enactment of this legislation (proclamation really). After 12 months, a trigger will automatically be pulled and big government insurance will be available to the entire client list of those insurance companies which haven’t reduced their premiums in the way The Liberal Examiner proscribes (demands really)!
The Liberal Examiner believes this program is as bipartisan as we are going to get in our dysfunctional political system and still provide the American people with what they desperately need. Republican notions of bi-partisanship amount to Democrats ignoring the majority the voters gave them (and the needs of those voters) and simply capitulating to whatever already failed policy proscription the tiny Republican minority puts forth. These aren’t serious people, they don’t take their Constitutional duties or the needs of the American people seriously and they should be ignored and mocked (if by mocked you mean pelted with the corpses of Americans who dies because they couldn’t afford health care)! Think that’s too extreme, check out the latest innovative Republican idea http://swampland.blogs.time.com/2009/11/02/a-republican-health-care-plan/ and then argue that you think these are serious people! That being said, The Liberal Examiner does understand the desire for some bipartisanship (he really doesn’t), so in a nod to Republican Senator Snow, big government insurance is initially only available to those Americans that private insurance has either decided not to cover or those whom they have already screwed! Also, in a nod to the NRA, which is actually the bane of our culture no matter how much we mischaracterize the meaning of the Second Amendment (“mandatory Musket Act” really), the trigger embedded in this legislation is a hair trigger! No need for additional legislative “dithering” (a nod to Dick Chaney), if any for profit insurance company doesn’t reduce the rate they charge the American people, they loose their exclusive rights to provide insurance. The American people won’t be directed or forced to choose big government insurance, so their will be no infringements on the freedoms the American people currently enjoy!
In order to satisfy a distracted media that has now discovered the virtues of bi-partisanship (now that Democrats are in control) and exaggerates its importance beyond all recognition (because Republicans aren’t serious about governing), this legislative proposal gives a little (nod) to a whole host of people and organizations that The Liberal Examiner vehemently disagrees with. Now that’s bipartisanship!