There is no greater pain in life than the pain of loss. E
We often think that pain is associated with just physical pain, but emotional pain can release the same response in our brain as physical pain does. The pain of loss is even greater because our brain becomes conditioned to that person who literally becomes a part of who we are. The loss is not just about a loved one passing away, it can be the loss of a marriage, a friendship, a relationship or even a pet. One of the biggest losses is going through a divorce with children involved. Not only have you lost a partner, but a life that you had envisioned with that person, not to mention dealing with all the loss after the divorce. All of those emotional ties that happen over time shape our daily lives and become a part of who we are. Often times we do not give ourselves the chance to fully grieve, or perhaps we are so confused that we turn to medication or drug use to hide the feelings.
Understanding that loss is truly recovering from an injury, it can help us view the healing process in a different way. If a person has broken a bone or recovering from a major surgery, they are expected to take time to heal. Healing involves, resting, taking vitamins, perhaps physical therapy (exercise), necessary bandaging (eating healthy) and time to heal the open wound from the inside out.
When we have emotional loss many times we are trying to heal from the outside in, placing emotional band aids on, to cover our open wound. If another emotional loss happens when we have not dealt with the first one, then the wound never heals leaving it open and exposed to infection. When this happens many people turn to alcohol, drugs, prescription medication to fight the infection, but unlike a physical wound, the emotional wound only gets worse, with this prescription.
How do we go about healing our emotional loss from within?
The first step is to feel the loss. Allow yourself to have a good cry, write a journal, or put it into music, paint, draw, build, use a creative outlet to help you express your loss. Use guided imagery as a way to heal the wound from the inside out closing your eyes and seeing the wound, the part that is missing and imagine it closing slowly, and each day more and more. Allow the change to happen, accepting that the person is not going to be a physical part of your daily life anymore and fill that time with something positive. Find a support group or reach out to friends and family for added support. Don’t run from the feelings or isolate yourself. Use the energy to make you stronger, add find new activities to enrich your life. Along your journey help others who have had recent loss as well, and be an inspiration to them. Keep in mind that it is a process, and once in a while those feeling may get triggered by something else, but be ready to accept it and deal with it. Allow yourself to feel, and use those feeling to heal and strengthen you.
Emotional loss is what makes us human and from emotional loss, pain of loss, it also brings about some of life’s most amazing creative gifts: Music, poem’s, writing, sculpting, painting, and the list goes on and on…………
Rebuild yourself and your life with the hope of a new day. The most important lesson one can learn from loss is not to blame oneself or go back in the past. Loving memories are wonderful but understand that is what they are "memories", cherish them and look forward to building new ones!
For help with your emotional loss contact Dr. Dawn Michael (805) 732-7847