I've been seeing a woman for 2 months. I'm in San Francisco and she's in the North. We live around 85 miles apart, so it's not easy to see each other regularly and expensive for travel - gas, tolls, etc
Between one thing and another I've realized that our relationship is going to struggle. She is going to be working further away and I also have alternate weekly custody of my child from a previous relationship - if anything we are going to see each other once a week maximum.
I've let her know I would rather call it a day than pretend it's going to develop into something more. Thing is, she has started to mention sharing houses together and our future as we are an amazing couple, etc. It's only been a few months and I'm not a guy to rush, but I'm pretty freaked.
I think she's hung up on me already, as she's not listening to anything I say! I don't want a phone relationship and hate talking for hours on cell phones. Plus, she texts me constantly with love you's and that type of thing.
Do you have any idea about what I can do? I'm not a nasty guy and I've tried to put across my reasons but she refuses to hear me.
Feel Like a 37 Year Old Mime
Stop being a weenie! You are a middle aged man of maturity and know what you want out of life. She ain't it!
So what you do is tell her this:
We are never going to move in together, so please stop saying that. I told you I don't see this relationship going anywhere. The distance is too great and neither of us has the time to devote to building a relationship right now. I hate talking on the phone for hours. I hate texts. I don't want this.You are trying, but no one should have to TRY this hard just to get something going. We are not an amazing couple like you keep inferring.
I've tried telling you this in kinder, gentler ways but you aren't listening to me. So now I have to get hard core. Bottom line, this is not working for me. I want to end it. We need to stop seeing each other and stop talking to each other and move on. Please respect my wishes.
Crap, send it in an email if you have to. That's the modern way! People have even been known to break up via social media or text. But the bottom line here is that there needs to be two people interested in being together for a relationship to work. In this situation, there is one person running as fast as his legs will carry him in the other direction, with the other chasing and begging for love.
You have to do this, no matter how much you don't want to hurt her. She will either be hurt now or hurt later, but since you don't want to be involved with her the hurt is inevitable.