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He secretly dresses up in women’s clothing but he is not gay

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Some men like to wear pretty things, women’s things, not because they are gay or want to be a woman but it is a sexual turn on for them. It is a turn on to be in women’s clothing, they love women so much that they want to feel what it is like to be dressed as one.

Cross-dressing, gender confusion, homosexuality, heterosexuality, a fetish how do you really label this?

There is a population of men that like to wear women’s panties, bra’s, and even clothing but they are very much attracted to women, so much so that they love to feel what it is like to be a woman or be closer to a woman, but only wear it in the presence of a woman. Unlike cross-dressing the turn on for them is that the woman is turned on by him wearing the panties, bra or lingerie. He may also like her to tell him what to do or treat him as her pet or ask him to serve her while dressed in the feminine clothing.

As a clinical sexologist, this “fetish” I will call it because I have not found a name for it is not cross-dressing per-say or that a man is gay. The unfortunate part about a man in this situation is the absolute confusion that he goes through not understanding it himself. Many times the man may wonder if he is gay, or perhaps have a gender issues…..

In my private practice the men that I have worked with that like to wear women’s clothing that don’t fall in to other categories seem to have some similarities to each other as far as growing up and what they experienced during puberty. Most of these men are surrounded by females, sisters, cousins, and strong mother figures, where dad may not be around that often or at all. The sisters may dress up the boy once in a while or play dress up and tease him (but that is not the defining factor). He also may have watched from the side lines as his sisters got ready for dates dressing up, excited about changing outfits, the bright colors and playful outfits.

A concurrent theme that almost all of the men have had was a situation around the time of puberty where they tried on panties, or having sisters one of their girlfriend’s panties. The adolescent boy would pick up the panties and smell it or rub it on him, getting aroused. This is a critical time for sexual development and a time when a simple act can also turn into a fetish, in a few men. The surge of testosterone mixed with arousal over an object getting locked into the adolescent's future sexual turn on. The wearing of the girls panties, the soft fabric the pretty colors and it being very taboo can as well cause a state of arousal for the adolescent.

As he gets older he continues to think about it and may steal, buy or take women’s panties, bras, etc. He may use them to ejaculate in, he is obsessed with the notion of how it feels. Then he wonders what is wrong with him, why would he like to wear women’s clothing, could he be gay? He has no one to talk to about this so he does not really know what to think. He is confused, anguished, almost tormented by these thoughts.

If this story sounds familiar to you then you are not alone……you are not gay, you are not a cross-dresser, and you simply have a fetish. Some men have gone to the extent of having a homosexual experience to see if they were gay only to beat themselves up about it after. I wrote this article as an educational piece to help other men who may be confused, to let them know that they can talk about it, that it is alright. As a clinical sexologist (sex therapist) this is an area of study that we are educated in and taught how to help individuals understand themselves better. Sex, sexuality, what turns a person on is not something that most people feel comfortable talking about, but in realty if more people did then there would be more information out there, so that others can benefit and not feel alone.

For more information on the topic, or to schedule an appointment with Dawn Michael go to or call (805) 732-7847 or LIVE Chat

Please feel free to leave a comment or your own personal experience….



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