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He's just not that "into" you and wants you out

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If a relationship comes to an stagnant crawl with one person, and the other is still in Disneyland, it may be difficult to see when someone is giving off the "abrasive" vibes. No one wants to be dumped and sometimes women work too hard to remain close to a man who's already looking in other directions.

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The first line of defense is to leave. If you're absolutely sure that something is going on that will just ruin your life for a while, make every effort to egress and don't give him any choice in the matter. If you're more sensitive and want to hold on like En Vogue (good song, by the way), at least protect yourself from looking like a village idiot in person and on social networking sites.

The second line of defense is to stay and try to resolve the issue, if possible. When you first notice that something is different, take action immediately. There is little need to sit and wonder about why you should or shouldn't be thinking that something is wrong. If nothing was wrong, clearly, there would be no uncomfortable thoughts or feelings. And instead of a confrontational blowup (that he's probably been waiting for), try to approach your lover with concern, but in a more relaxed fashion.

Typically, unless your man is super-sensitive and doesn't mind talking about relationship issues, you should refrain from the classic "we need to talk" entries to a conversation. Guys run from that faster than from an IRS agent. He will suddenly become busier than he's ever been and you won't be able to get in contact with him, short of stalking (and that's a definite no-no). Bring up the need to have a conversation, while you're already in a comfortable setting. This will likely be difficult if he's already annoyed and you're emotional, but work through the jitters and make your statement.

A good time to have the "I'm feeling negativity from you and I want to know what's going on" conversation is when you're already out having fun. Though its not intentional to ruin the fun times, this is one of the best ways to approach a sensitive subject, without scaring him off. And try to maintain your emotions enough not to 'kick the door in,' but to just come out and say "what's up with you?" Joke, if you must, to keep the conversation at PG-13 level. Usually, if you both remain calm and refrain from yelling and screaming in a civil, adult conversation, he'll tell you enough so you won't continue freaking out (if there's nothing wrong).

If you have the conversation with him and you're still not at peace, you have to decide if you want to stay and wait it out, or leave. Either way, set a goal for yourself to circle back and see how things are going, as far as a time frame. It is not advisable to continue in an unhealthy, unproductive relationship, just because you're trying to hold on to someone.

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