Amazing thing happens when I let the Universe, God, Faith, Destiny guide me and take control of my life. When I stop getting in my own way and let things flow naturally and without me trying to manipulate, alter, or sabotage my journey.
When almost all the pieces come together and the puzzle starts to take shape, when you start to realize what the picture is supposed to look like, you are no longer wondering if its ponies & dogs or kittens & yarn.
I’ve spent my life shooting for 100% of happiness, wanting everything to be in order, expecting all my ducks to be in a row. When something didn’t work out, happen, meet my expectations I felt let down, sad, depressed.
So I started to validate what was before me, here, now and worry less about what I needed to complete that happiness to reach some unrealistic level of happiness that is not possible. I would disrespect the happiness here by wishing for more.
It’s like being served food when you are hungry and asking for seconds before you finish what’s on your plate. ‘Happiness Greed’ got the best of me and in the end I would lose it all. Happiness before me expired and I was left looking for more.
So I decided that I would validate, accept, live the happiness that is before me. Be it 30%, 50% or 99.99%. Being realistic that 100% is something that doesn’t happen often, at least in my life. If someone has the secret to 100%, send it my way!
The facts is that out of the major things in my life; Personal and Professional and all the things that break down from that I’ve never had it ‘All’. I’m not sure what ‘All’ is. Love, sometimes is lacking when work is picking up. Work is down when a great man comes along but I’m too broke to enjoy it.
So I find myself at that moment in my life where there is love around me and work is picking up, that moment where the seesaw is at perfect balance and the smallest movement will tilt it one way or the other, something’s gonna give!
So what to do? Do I stop and enjoy the ride? Just coast through life for as long as this feeling will last?
As I’m typing this the Oscars just ended and Ben Affleck accepted the award for best picture for ‘Argo’ and heard him thank all the folks that worked on the film and his wife. That made me think; maybe ‘All’ is possible?
You see I started writing this article earlier in the day and finished it after the show ended. I’m not sure if it’s my professional life that makes me think that I can never have my personal life too or that fact that I’ve always felt underserving of that kind of love.
Either way for now the scale is balanced and I’ll enjoy it until something does give way. Maybe some of us are meant to just work and be happy that way. Maybe for some there is no ‘All’.