Hard to match men: Matchmaker case study

Hard To Match Men

My matchmaking clients are men. High powered and successful men looking for love. They have been superstars in their financial lives and are searching for the best in their love lives. They hire me to actively recruit beautiful, intelligent and grounded women into my candidate pool for screening. They hire me to find their perfect wife. Some are first timers, looking to start a family and some are second timers, divorced and starting again. But either way both are looking for their perfect woman. For the most part, the fruits of my labor pay off and my clients find their ideal match, but on occasions I come across hard-to-match clients whose quest for perfection sabotages any real chances for finding love. These men are either shooting too high, “Quitters”, or a “Casanova” searching for a trophy wife.

Shooting too high

Men who are shooting too high have unrealistic expectations. They are a solid “6” in the looks department and are searching for a perfect “10”. The woman who is a perfect “10” however, is also searching for her Mr. Right and a 60 year old guy who is a solid “6” doesn’t fit the bill.

One of my clients, Bob, was a casualty of “shooting too high”. Bob was 59 years old with balding tufts of grey hair above his ears. He was searching for a woman under half his age and didn’t want kids. Ignoring the fact that most women under 35 still want children, Bob insisted that I contact every woman in my pool within this age bracket for his match. After hundreds of successive rejections from 30-year old women Bob still wouldn’t consider a 40-year old woman I presented to him. She was beautiful, slender, educated, and a “Jennifer Aniston” look-a-like, but Bob wasn’t interested because she was too old.

Another example is a client I’ll call Mitchell. Mitchell wanted a young, healthy, energetic, girl in her 20s who was optimistic, open-minded, physically fit and sexy. The problem was that Mitchell was 50 years old and 50 pounds over weight. Mitchell wanted his perfect girl, yet couldn’t see the reflection in his mirror was not the 24 year old he perceived himself to be. Mitchell waited and waited, year after year for his healthy, energetic 24-year old girl until at age 55, he still hadn’t had children and still hadn’t found his young, athletic, wife. No woman who ever liked him was ever good enough, and every woman he wanted was far too good. Mitchell was always the uncle, and never the father.

Quitters

One of my clients, Jay, was a serial "Quitter". He said that he wanted a woman, but would dismiss a date after the first mistake. Any misspoken word or red flag and he was “out”. He had no time to waste on a less than perfect woman and was not willing to compromise or forgive any faults. Dating takes effort and Jay's effort lacked any real energy. He had become accustomed to his solitary life at home and his routine of working, going to the gym and playing on his computer, and a woman didn't realistically fit into his lifestyle. He was intolerant of flaws and would rather be alone than settle for less, or compromise with a real woman with a real past. He had learned to satisfy himself sexually through pornography, and his computer became his sexuality. He was dating but his heart wasn’t into it unless a woman fit his ideal fantasy.

Casanova

The Casanova is the man with the perpetual roving eye. It is true that a man can love you profusely and still want to have sex with other women, however their decision not to act on the urge is a conscientious decision that they can, and should make if they care deeply about their woman. Their straying eye, even for just one night, hurts a woman far more than he can conceive. When a woman is in love, she would rather crawl through broken glass than have sex with another man and she doesn't understand a man’s ability to love her, while simultaneously lusting after another. His choosing to act on his physical urges with out consideration how it rips out her heart is selfish. Men who don't cheat are consciously not cheating, every single day. These are strong men who love and care for their woman and want to protect them from harm or pain. These are real men and should be celebrated as heroes.

Trophy Wife

Older men who seek a young, trophy wife feel their youth slipping away and fear they have settled for less in life than they could have achieved. They are trying to recapture a time that is going, going, gone. For these men, looking at older women who are close to their own age is mirroring something they don't like in themselves. The end of their life is getting near and it terrifies them that they may be losing their virility with age. They want a younger, hot, woman regardless of intellectual compatibility in order to feel young and hot themselves. They are willing to risk a "gold digger” just for the opportunity to be with a younger woman. But if these guys honestly think that a woman 30 years younger, with super model good looks loves them for their personality, they are very naïve to the laws of nature. Finding a true connection involves chemistry, compatibility and commonality, and men who ignore this basic fact are setting themselves up for heartache, disappointment and loneliness. These men may be super achievers in their professional lives but they are frustratingly under achievers in their personal lives.