Happy Valentine's Day! It's everywhere eyes fall today. Signs, gestures, music and readings.
Moves like Jagger and Dougie are two catchy songs that come to mind about young people and today's social rituals.
Mick Jagger himself has been known as a spectacular rocker, but also quite the womanizer..... so Maroon5 "Moves Like Jagger" has been pretty popular with many age groups... http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/maroon5/moveslikejagger.html with the older generation remembering the sexual revolution and the younger checking in on the history of it all.
CaliSwag's Dougie video, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJxYiIfr4WM (both the instructional dance the Dougie and the song are both highly entertaining.) One of the best things about these shoots are 1.) people are youthful, together and happy. 2.) the stars used their real neighborhood friends who put it on and came back with glory 3.) It is invitational and instructional. The derrogatory slang, and the fact one member died in what appears to be an execution style gang murder recalls the tensions of the good and the bad too. http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2012/01/reward-offered-in-cali-swa...
Both of these songs are decent to dance to and a wedge of today's relationships and life. They are not a mantra for all life, but both have a place in entertainment.
As for today, Valentine's Day holds a good bit of pressure for the younger set, probably starting in gradeschool. One is to have a sweetheart and one is to get. do or be certain stuff on that day.
It is kind of fun to look at other cultures during this holiday. Apparently in Japan, the tradition is for MEN to be the recipients of chocolate. Role reversal! http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/02/japans-sweet-valentines-da...
How do young people learn rituals... for holidays or everyday relating? How does one come to understand what really works?
Anne Lamott, Episcopal Priest and New York Times best selling author had an idea that in honor of current trends, why not Occupy Valentine's Day? @ANNELAMOTT I'm so happy that tomorrow is Occupy Valentine's Day--we've stolen back a whole gorgeous Thursday from the maws of anxiety and exploitation. LOL
One of my clients did a decent job of announcing struggles over time in trying as an older teen to balance the social, commercial, faith and family messages about the opposite sex, about roles and rules and navigating it all.
It is remarkable that after an extensive discussion one day about all the oh so wrongs..... how does all this work and why does it never work out for me.... I just don't get it ......., this individual launched into the description of a much admired couple in the everyday life.
The person's first, and persistent description was that the two were infinitely kind to one another.
KIND. The couple anticipated needs. Spoke pleasantly in an even tone. Made efforts to help, but not smother the partner.
Made plans to spend time together. AVAILABILITY
Consistently did what they said they would do over time. INTEGRITY. TRUSTWORTHINESS.
THOUGHTFULNESS: Had some sense of what the other might wish for in a day... words, music, hug, time. Supportive.
This discussion was continued over other days, but this example was a free-standing one of a consistent, meaningful success that was admired.
It wasn't what the speaker was doing with their life, short or longterm, and seemed a great surprise when this information was offered back. ( I.e. you know YOU could use that as your first need, your first plan, your first action with others or ask them to do that with you).
If you want kindness, you probably need to define what it is and think of how you wish to offer it, but also think of whether the person you spend time with does these things. Same for integrity, thoughtfulness and support.
People who teach relationship skills, whether in schools, at the Y , house of worship or around the dinnertable usually hit on these same things.
The three links below show some resources that pretty much anyone can use to understand more about what is and what isn't healthy, and how to practice having healthier relationships with anyone.
Teens who have access to a mentor, a person who is older than they are, who is not a relative, and who has an investment in positively safely guiding the young person from youth to young adulthood is a gem.
Most teens are inquisitive and work to find resources not all resources are accurate or helpful. These seem pretty readable and effective.
This YWCA link includes information about relationships and CYBER or electronic health. http://www.ywca.org/atf/cf/%7B6F012B68-DD78-45DD-9570-A980BC468101%7D/TD...
Relationship tips http://www.actforyouth.net/
Building Healthy Relationships http://www.thesafespace.org/wp-content/uploads/Building_Healthy_Relation...