Whenever you have something great, there has to be something devastatingly awful to counter balance it. Yes, 2013 produced some amazing and spectacular movies, but there were also more than a fair share of duds and even more movies -- far too many -- that just kinda hit in that middle, "meh, it was okay" range.
But this is about the real stinkers from this past year. The brutal ones that were painful to watch. You know, the ones where I can honestly tell you that I took one for the team and sat through it so you don't have to. But for the record, these are movies I actually sat through. Which is one reason say an abomination like "Movie 43" isn't on this list. I rented it -- yes, intentionally, and no I don't know why either -- but I fell asleep and refused to watch it again. So while I've seen enough of it to know it's atrocious, I can't put it on this list.
Here, my friends, are the five worst movies of 2013 -- and yes, we are only doing five and not ten because it will be bad enough to revisit five as it is. Enjoy and be sure to check out my choices for the Ten Best Movies of 2013.
Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters: I will concede that this mostly unnecessary and forgettable has a few -- and I mean only a few entertaining moments. But that doesn't forgive it for its existence. In what could have just as easily have been a period piece adventure about witch hunters, the filmmakers spend little to no time connecting it to the classic fairy tale that it is named for in any way that is interesting or sensical. It's a clear example of Hollywood trying to cash-in on a familiar property. Plus, it's really dumb. (read my review)
Grown Ups 2: A horrible sequel to what was already a dumb and lazy movie to begin with. Whenever you have Taylor Lautner lined up to play your film's main antagonist, this should be the first sign that it might just be better to just torch your script and shoot everyone into space rather than waste time and money. If this is just another reason for Sandler to get his buddies together so they can all act not-funny at the same time, mission accomplished.
R.I.P.D.: It's sad when the best movie starring Ryan Reynolds is one in which he voices a snail (see Turbo). I'm still wondering if they drugged Jeff Bridges up to do this movie. If someone asked him now about his experience making this muddled, sloppy, incoherent mess -- would he even know what they were talking about? A movie that really tried to copy the "Men in Black" formula only made me with Will Smith would use that little flashy thing on me. (read my review)
Getaway: Poor Ethan Hawke. This was kind of a rough year for him. First there was the complete waste of a good idea with "The Purge" and then this -- I won't even mention "Before Midnight". But I could. If there was an award for most uninteresting, cliched, pointless, and boring action movie of the year, "Getaway" would win. It's hard to believe that Hawke, Selena Gomez, and Jon Voigt didn't have anything -- and I mean ANYTHING -- better to do. (see my review)
Planes: Normally. I wouldn't pick on an animated movie when talking about the "worst movies of the year". I mean clearly I'm not in the demographic for which this movie is targeted. My problem isn't with the bland and boring characters, or the poor choices for voice talent -- Dane Cook? Seriously Disney?? -- My main problem that it is just an insult to kids, who are far more capable of understanding complex stories than Disney sometimes gives them credit for, and to parents who should know better. There is so little imagination and effort put into this lazy and obvious attempt to do nothing more than sell toys. P.S. Disney has already rushed a sequel that will hit theatres next year. (see my review)
Also in contention: The Heat, Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters, Escape from Tomorrow
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Also in contention: