Similar to how advocates of the Religious Right frequently insist that they are being oppressed by being unable to oppress others, the frequently mentioned "War on Christmas" would be better described as a war on all the other holidays.
Last week, Gov. Rick Scott (R-FL) approved a request from a group of atheists to install a "Festivus pole," which will reportedly be made entirely out of recycled Papst Blue Ribbon beer cans, next to a nativity manger and a Three Wise Men display.
Festivus is a "nothing" holiday created by the characters of the show Seinfield, which is now routinely celebrated by atheists as an alternative to Christmas.
The logic behind this request, and its subsequent approval, is simple: If the U.S. government is going to actively sanction one religion, it must actively sanction any other religions which petition recognition in turn.
Gretchen Carlson of Fox News, however, was apparently under the impression that freedom of religion was a right exclusive to Christians only.
"I am so outraged by this," Carlson told Catholic League President Bill Donohue on Tuesday. “Why do I have to drive around with my kids to look for a nativity scenes and be, like, 'Oh, yeah, kids, look, there’s baby Jesus behind the Festivus pole made out of beer cans! It's nuts!"
"It's a fake holiday!" she exclaimed.
Carlson also expressed outrage at a requested monument by the Satanic Temple across from Oklahoma's controversial Ten Commandments monument.
American Atheists President David Silverman argued that "There is no wrong way to celebrate the season, it belongs to all of us," adding that he personally felt the holidays were better without religion injected into it.
"Happy Festivus! For all of us!" he concluded.
Following that same aforementioned logic, of course, if the U.S. government is not allowed to respect the celebration of one holiday, it must remain neutral by not openly honoring any other holidays. This inevitably will result in the nativity scene's removal.
So remember boys and girls, if your grandparents take you to see the little baby Jesus and he's nowhere to be found, it was Gretchen Carlson's fault.