AP Photo/Matt Sayles
The only thing worse than getting “pocket dialed” by some guy’s left butt cheek is accidentally sitting on the TV remote. This devastating occurrence usually happens at the climax of whatever it is you happen to be watching: the last minute of a tie game, the big reveal at the end of a television show, or even a musical performance during the Grammys. Unless you routinely pay homage to the TiVo gods, your viewing experience is usually ruined, and you begin to fear the impending ridicule you’ll receive from your co-workers tomorrow morning in the break room for having missed the “best part.”
Unfortunately, if you were one of the 25 million people watching the Grammys last night, no number of sacrificial virgins laid before your DVR could have restored the audio during the hip-hop performance featuring Lil Wayne, Eminem, and Drake. You might have noticed the “glitch” during the Black Eyed Peas’ performance, with a few dropped words here and there, but what happened to Drake and his buddies was ridiculous. Entire sentences were bleeped out, reducing those tough-faced rappers display of lyricism to mere miming. But, who knows? Perhaps they will submit the footage to Cirque du Soleil and break into a new market—at least then you could hear the music. And, admit it, who wouldn’t pay to see Lil Wayne, Eminem, and Drake in trapeze outfits, getting manhandled by Frenchmen?
So, as incensed as you might be about last night’s Swiss cheese hip-hop, let’s give the censors the benefit of the doubt. After all, they’ve been entrusted with determining what morally appropriate content is for us tiny-brained Americans for years and years, and they would never abuse that. Clearly, the powers that be had decided it was time for mainstream America to get a dose of rap from a hot, new artist like Drake, and then a major audio malfunction ensued. The CBS and Grammy folks wouldn’t dangle an edgy artist in front of the country to up their street cred, only to censor half the song, now would they?
It makes much more sense that Johnny, the latte-fetching intern (in tears because he got some producer’s order wrong), sat upon the control panel in the CBS sound booth, and inadvertently pressed the big, red mute button during a major musical number over and over again. See? You can’t get too angry, it was a learning experience. Now, Johnny and 25 million TV viewers know that the only thing worse than getting a call from your Uncle Larry’s butt is sitting on the remote.