We're six months out from the Republican National Convention and it’s my distinct honor to announce the 2012 GOP Presidential Primary Beauty Pageant.
Let me present to you our first contestant and current front runner,
MR. MASSACHUSETTS- Mitt Romney has a long running reputation for being embarrassingly handsome and also holding claim to the “Best Head of Hair in the Bay State” title for ten consecutive years. His platform consists of handsomeness, extreme wealth, and wearing blue checkered dress shirts to appear folksy.
Our next contestant was once heralded as “The Brightest Mind of the 21st Century”. (The source of this herald is still under investigation.)
MR. SPEAKER- Newt Gingrich sports a classic look with his Santa-white hair. His passions include long seemingly unrelated orations on the history of “this” and the failings of “that”. He’s also made quite the reputation as a connoisseur of marriages and all things posh.
The next contest wowed the audiences of Iowa with his boy next door good looks and distinct quality of not being Mitt Romney.
MR. QUAKER STATE- Rick Santorum can often be seen squinting in deep thought or dawning his signature “I’m confused why you people don’t like me” look. Rick’s, “I’m more conservative than your grandma” message has connected strongly with the grandmother vote.
The final contestant lives on the fringes of conservatism and complete anarchy.
MR. LIBERTARIAN – Ron Paul holds the allure that only a 76 year old Doctor can. Ron draws in a wide variety of support from tunnel dwellers to pot smokers. He enjoys long walks on federally unprotected beaches and dreams of flushing the Federal Reserve down the proverbial toilet.
And that’s it! Those are our contestants for the 2012 GOP Presidential Primary. Don’t forget to tune in next week for the “Most Conservative Conservative Contest”.
Political Cartoon and Article by Michael Murphy
View more of Michael’s work or purchase a license to any of his cartoons by visiting www.MurphyToons.com
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