Skip to main content
Report this ad

See also:

Golden Bowl 2014: Angel City v Windy City Rollers

Satan's Little Helper
Satan's Little Helper
Photography by D.E.sign

On Sunday, June 15, at the Craneway Pavillion in Richmond, CA, the Bay Area Derby Girls hosted day two of The Golden Bowl, an invitational tournament where high ranking WFTDA teams compete for rankings in the months leading up to Divisionals. The Angel City Derby Girls (#6) and Windy City Rollers (#11) played at 3 p.m. According to Flat Track Stats, ACDG won by less than expected. They were projected to score 11 points for every 8 points Windy scored but they scored only 10. Though they didn’t meet their spread against Windy they exceeded their spread against BAD later that evening. Only mathematics can tell us how this will play out in the overall rankings as Divisionals approach.

A word on the reffing

In this bout, as well as the BAD/ACDG bout later that night, there was a 100% female referee crew. Announcer Val Capone put it best when she said the women were making "herstory." The reffing in this bout was exquisite, thorough, precise, consistent, balanced, and virtually invisible with barely if any official time outs. The NSO crew was also mostly female. Male audience members were allowed to stay and watch. Where else but a roller derby tournament could women be found working all the traditionally male sporting event jobs and doing it so well? Mad props to Honey Badger, Kiss My Axe, Big League Chew, Charmer, London Derierre, Elke, and all the other women officiating the bout.

The first jam

The first jammer line up was Mickispeedia for ACDG against Windy City’s Hoosier Mama. Hoosier got lead and put Windy City out front with a score of 8-7, Windy. One of ACDG’s newest members, Satan’s Little Helper (#666), who would win Jammer MVP for the tournament, came out on the track to change all that. Helper, who moved like an angry beast shoving and grunting through the pack, took the line against Killjoy for Windy City. Killjoy went to the penalty box leaving Helper in a power jam to take the lead for ACDG. 31-15, ACDG.

Chica Go Lightning of ACDG lined up against Windy's Varla Vendetta. Lightning immediately went to the penalty box for a track cut, giving Vendetta a power jam. It turned out to be a lot more jam and a lot less power as Vendetta was punished by the ACDG three-wall of Chinese Cheker, Laci Knight, and Tyra Shanks. After 30 seconds, Lightning was released only to return to the box again, this time for a back block. Despite much resistance, Vendetta was able to close the score gap some. 39-32, ACDG.

With 16:54 remaining in the first half there was another lead change. Mickispeedia for ACDG went to the penalty box for a back block leaving Killa Nois (formerly of ACDG, now skating for Windy City) in a power jam. After two grand slams and before Mickispeedia could rejoin the pack, Nois called it off putting Windy back in the lead. 42-39, Windy.

Just before the half, Satan’s Little Helper took the line against Ying O’Fire for Windy. Helper took lead. During the rapid moving chaos on the track a toe stop came loose and rolled across the floor until one of the outside pack refs snatched it up. No one fell or tripped. Fire, trying to take some action against Helper, passed the panty to her pivot but she was too late. Helper turned backwards, shoving her hips past the opposing blockers and called off the jam.

Score at the half: 101-58, ACDG

The second half opened with Chris Dobbins for ACDG and Varla Vendetta for Windy on the jammer line. Dobbins took the lead as Vendetta went to the penalty box for a track cut. On her passage around the track, Dobbins took a huge hit to the stomach, compliments of KonichiWOW, and was recycled to the back of the pack by Sargentina. Despite the trouble, Dobbins completed three grand slams. 120-58, ACDG.

A few ejections

A few jams later, Mickispeedia took the line against Ying O’Fire. Mickispeedia went to the box first for a back block and was followed shortly after by Fire. After the jammer change out, Mickispeedia went to the box again, this time for a track cut. Over the next few jams Mickispeedia would foul out from the game for seven penalties (with about 15:00 remaining). Just before however, Hoosier Mama of Windy was assessed a high block penalty on Satan’s Little Helper. The hit was determined to be egregious and she was expelled from the bout for gross misconduct.

Ghetto Fabu-Lez for ACDG took the line against Killa Nois. The whistle was blown and the jammers were off, except that Lez’s panty had fallen off her helmet and she was skating without it. If the panty is not on and visible, you are not the jammer. Once she realized what had happened she skated back to retrieve the panty only to find Windy blockers Bork Bork Bork and Sargentina standing over it. They blocked her as she tried to reach it for it. Eventually she retrieved the panty and Nois called off the jam. 160-131, ACDG

One more ejection

With about 4:02 remaining, Chris Dobbins and Ying O’Fire took the jammer line. Fire was the first to go to the penalty box, followed by Dobbins. Once Dobbins arrived she took a seat, slipped out of the chair, tried to get back in and disturbed the chairs. She was expelled for reckless entry into the penalty box.

Satan’s Little Helper and Jackie Daniels were the final jammers for the bout. Helper began the jam in the box in Dobbins’ place. Helper was released just as Daniels was sent to the box for a track cut. Helper got out, through and lead jammer just as Daniels finished serving her 30 seconds. It took only a moment more for Daniels to cut the track again and she was back in the box with 28 seconds left on the game clock, leaving the track wide open for Helper to finish it off.

Final Score: 177-142, ACDG

Report this ad