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Go ask Lara #10, vibrational shift required to manifest mate

Go ask Lara
Go ask Lara
Lara De Ann

Dear Lara,

I have had many ups and downs with regards to relationships with men. I would love to have a long term life partner in my life, but I have had so many issues with my father that I have attracted men who were repeats of that in an attempt to heal that relationship. I am well over 50 now and I seriously do not know if I will ever manifest a Soul Mate. I cannot afford getting into another relationship with drama and heart ache because the last experience nearly did me in. I am considering giving the whole idea up, but it still nags at me as a constant desire. My father was not there for me and I see the repeated patterns of attracting men that are just like that. How can I have such a desire for relationship and yet be given test after test of the same type of heart ache? I feel very uncomfortable in my life for this reason. I desire something that has been a great cause of hurt, yet I still desire it and it still continues to baffle me. I am considering not only throwing in the towel, but the whole linen closet.

Baffled in Arizona.

Dear Baffled in Arizona,

Of course, you are not alone. There are many with your story. Some have gone to relationship seminars and counseling. In fact there is a really good one, Calling in “The One,” starting May 10, by Katherine Woodward Thomas, MA, MFT and Claire Zammit, PhD. In the end it is up to you to change the vibration and story around this topic. You can create another similar experience or you can say that you may never find love in your life and that you will be okay with that. However, when you say that, you are also conveying that you have a desire that you just don’t know how to manifest so you are considering getting rid of the desire. Or, you leave it to fateful thinking; if you are supposed to manifest something better than the past, it will just happen. The Law of Attraction, where similar vibrations attach to each other, really throws the idea of fate out the window, in most cases. You cannot say you are fated for one type of reality versus another unless you believe that your fate in relationships is completely related to your present vibration. If you do not change your vibration than the episodes will repeat, which is the scenario that you are reporting.

The question is how to change such an ingrained vibration that has been around for so long. First, you have to realize that there has been a vibrational (energetic frequency) holding pattern that has a certain repeated “sound” that emits from your being. This vibration can be measured as a sound wave and if you were hooked up to a device, you would clearly see that over the many years, you have had the same graph in regards to this topic, which affects other areas of your life as well since everything is connected.

By succumbing to the possibility that you may never be in a healthy, loving relationship, you are basically throwing out, not the towel, but your ability to manifest by actively changing your vibration. The only way to have a different kind of experience is to completely change the sound vibration you are emitting. This means you have to feel different to yourself, shed old skin and really be a new person. Only then will you be able to break a repeated pattern.

This is easier said than done and applies to every situation that we wish to change. We could plug in any repeated behavior pattern that gives us the same results. We don’t have to give up, we can just give up the familiar vibration. Instead of just trying a different approach to attracting a mate, like going to new places or adding your profile to a dating site, a complete energetic overhaul is required. Otherwise, you get the same experience over there, it just looks a little different.

Do whatever you can to help change the vibration you emit. Do many things. Don’t just educate yourself about breaking patterns from relationship seminars or books, change the inside and the outside. Throw things away, eliminate clutter from your surroundings, clean out closets and the space under your bed, get new sheets. Change the outside to help change the inside. Get rid of things, clothes, circumstances that you have outgrown. Keep only people in your life that are either neutral about you, praising, or loving. If there is anyone that rejects parts of you or criticizes you, let them go. You want to feel better to yourself, then you will know you have changed your vibration. But, you have to hold this new vibrational pattern for a long enough time to have it solidify. If you don’t hold a new pattern for long enough, it is too easy to revert back to the old, familiar energetic frequency. This is what happens when people try to stop addictions. If they don’t hold the new pattern long enough, they go right back into their addiction after a while. They call it failure and beat themselves up about it. It is not failure, but the propensity to be locked into a vibrational holding pattern.

The answer is not to give up on desires and throw in towels and whole linen closets, the answer is to realize just what you are taking on. You are embarking on a vibrational energetic frequency change so that you can emit another type of signal. You desire the sound waves that you are emitting to change. This can be measured in sound, in color, in smell, in all sorts of frequencies, but some we cannot detect with our senses. We would have to be really sensitive, like animals, to be able to tangibly sense such distinct energetic, vibrational frequency changes. It is enough for us to feel changed from the inside and to love that new feeling. This is the shift we are aiming to achieve.

In this case, you can feel relief. Abraham, as channeled by Esther Hicks, talks much about the importance of finding relief in this now moment. So, instead of feeling that you are stuck and have a huge battle to overcome, like an entire childhood and a subconscious mind filled with harsh memories, you can see things from another perspective. You do not have to excavate the past, you just have to change the view of what you are taking on. You are desiring a total vibrational shift. This is what you are really after, not the individual desires. Those desires will manifest even better than you can imagine when you change your focus to general vibration change for the long term in order to develop a new holding pattern of a more improved sound frequency. I am using the phrase “sound frequency” but understand that it is more than just the sound that you emit that will be changing. It is everything that has to do with energy that will be changed. Some things we can measure and understand, other elements are way beyond our comprehension at this stage in our development. It is not necessary to understand the dynamics and science around vibrational change. It is enough to realize that your new goal is in vibrational shift that will bring about a more improved edition of your life. The rest is beyond our control.

Some specific desires might even get in the way of our focus on general vibrational shift. It is better to know that you attract all good when you improve your vibration and not get bogged down by the details. So sing and dance, listen to music, eat healthy food, move in ways that are fun, do creative things that you enjoy, clean out the excess that is from the past that is no longer needed, get help with things that need to be finished, if possible, see yourself with a new skin and gravitate to newness. Listen to the wisdom coming to you from the universe. Did you see a snake on the path? It was a signal for a skin change, for a new way of being, for spring cleaning in the summer.

Keep at this and don’t give up. It has to work if you are diligent enough and really desire a vibrational life change. Keep me updated on your changes!

All the Best,


Lara De Ann does counseling and gives insightful guidance over the phone. See her guidance page on


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