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Giving him a key to my place - good or bad idea?

Dear Deborrah:

Do you think it's a good idea for me to give my boyfriend a key to my apartment? He lives in San Jose and I live here in the Marina area of San Francisco.  We've been dating for over a year. I want him to know how much I love and committed I am to him and thought this might be a good idea. What do you think?


Confused Girlfriend

Dear Confused Girlfriend:

I think you should discuss it with him first. The primary issue to me is that if you are making that sort of declaration and statement about your relationship to him, he must be on the same page or it won't work. In other words, if he has a key to your place, he should be willing to give you a key to his place in return (unless he lives with roommates or his family). 

Likewise, if you live with anyone else, you have no right to risk their peace of mind by giving him a key to the place your roommate pays rent.  Roommates have a right to safety and privacy in their own homes at any time they want it.  That means no boyfriend should be coming in while your room mate is in her underwear in the kitchen, or naked taking a shower, or having her book club meeting, or making out on the couch with her boyfriend watching a porno movie.

With that politically correct position posted, I have to tell you that I am personally of the mind that women give too much to men they are not married or otherwise deeply committed to.  To me, unless a man lives with you, he should NEVER have a key to your place.  In my mind, a man that wants the privilege of total access to you desires to have you as his wife and life partner, not as his half time when I want to see you girlfriend.

There is no way in hell that I would give a man a key to my place under any circumstances. If he wants to see commitment and love, he needs to drop down on one knee with a ring in his hand, and do all he needs to do to  make it happen.

But these matters are always best discussed between the couple involved. As long as you are both on the same page it should work out just fine.


  • Madison 4 years ago

    She should not give him a key especially if he hasn't asked her for it. The guy could feel pressured that she is moving faster than he wants to move. Giving a key is a not to subtle hint that she wants things to move to another level. A guy will pick up on that and if he's not ready for that, he may bounce. If I were here, I'd just enjoy the relationship at the pace and leave keys out of it. Especially since she hasn't said the guy wants her to have unfettered access to him. She'd be hurt if she was looking for him to give her keys to his place and he says no. Then what.

  • rose 9 months ago

    i gave a married guy a key to my house and everyone said i will never get it back

  • rose 9 months ago

    i really can t say anything bad as ive given a key to a guy i was seeing and hes married he took it when he didn t have to and all my friends say i will never get it back

  • rose 9 months ago

    i really can t say anything bad as ive given a key to a guy i was seeing and hes married he took it when he didn t have to and all my friends say i will never get it back

  • Horatio fettuccini 3 months ago

    Pure unadulterated bullshit



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