With the recent stories from California, where two teachers in the same school were arrested for sexual behavior with children, resulting in the entire school's staff being replaced while it's investigated, parents are worrying more than ever about protecting their children.
It's not just molestation parents are worried about, though. In January, a 13-year-old girl was beaten nearly to death on a Marion County school bus. The bus driver is now claiming that he didn't even know there was a fight going on. Most parents are outraged by this – how can a child be beaten nearly to death and the bus driver not be aware? Many think he's lying, but whether he's lying to cover his own butt, or telling the truth and wasn't aware, it's clear something needs to change.
Parents need to empower their children. Too many adults treat children as though they are “less than.” Children's opinions, thoughts and feelings are too often ignored, and many children are taught to respect their elders in such a way that they feel uncomfortable standing up for themselves because it might be seen as disrespect.
There are so many dangers to our children, and while we cannot eliminate all of them without putting our children in plastic bubbles and locking them away in a room, we can lessen some of the dangers, or at least give our children the power to try to stop them.
Sexual threats
There are stories of teachers who molest their students. There are stories of religious leaders, family members and even total strangers who find ways to get children alone so they can take advantage of them. Children are typically taught to respect their elders and do as they're told, so that's exactly what they do.
The first step to trying to prevent this is to teach your child that there is a difference between respecting their elders and doing as they're told and allowing someone to take advantage of them. Teach them (and remind them often) that their private parts are their private parts and that no one should be touching or looking at them, and that no one should be asking your child to look at or touch someone else's private parts. When you teach (or remind them) this, that's the time to explain to them that saying no, walking away or screaming for help when someone tries to look at or touch them, or asks your child to do so, is not being disrespectful.
Explain to them, as well, that doing what they're told applies to things such as cleaning their room or doing their schoolwork, not to something that makes them uncomfortable. Don't try to give specific examples of situations, put it very simply: If an adult asks them to do something that they are not comfortable doing, they should say no. Period. Then, they should tell you. If it turns out that what they've been asked to do is perfectly innocent and you want them to do it, then you can explain to them why this particular situation is different. For example, if they tell the doctor no when the doctor wants to look at a rash on their butt, you can then explain that the doctor isn't trying to do anything wrong, he's trying to help and you are there to protect them, so it's okay.
Another key to protecting them from sexual threats is to make them aware of the sexual offenders and predators that live near you or near those places where you regularly spend time. You can find out any offenders and predators near you by going to this site. There are several options here: you can search by name or by county, as well as by entering a specific address and searching within a specified radius around it. You can also search for e-mail addresses or instant message names that are registered to offenders – however, it is important to remember that this particular search will not tell you who it is registered to, only that it is or is not registered to an offender, and depends on offenders informing FDLE, which they may not do.
You can utilize the search results on this site to show your child a map of your area, so that they can see where the offenders live around your home. But you can also use it to familiarize your child with the faces of those offenders and predators so they will recognize that person.
Additionally, you can subscribe to email alerts. When you sign up, you will specify an address and will receive an email notification any time an offender or predator moves close to that address. The information you provide will also be considered exempt from disclosure under the public records laws, so you don't need to worry about your information being made public in any way when you sign up for this service.
Another thing to look for is that the Marion County Sheriff's Department publishes a booklet (a fairly thick one, unfortunately) of all the sexual offenders and predators in Marion County once or twice per year. The offenders are broken down by zip code, and it includes the same information you'd find on the website. Whenever possible, however, it's a good idea to use the website, as that information is updated whenever necessary, and the booklet is only updated when it's published.
Bullying/violence
I recently spoke with a homeschooling mother in Ocala and the subject of bullying came up. Her daughter was being kicked and hit when she was in Kindergarten. This mother went to the school and spoke to the principal. What did she say? She asked the principal what he was going to do about the assault against her daughter.
This is an important thing to remember. When a child hits, kicks, slaps, pinches, or otherwise negatively touches another child, it's labeled as “bullying.” But if an adult did any of those things, it is assault and you could face arrest and jail for it. So why do kids get away with it?
That mother repeatedly used the word assault when speaking to the principal, and asked if she needed to get law enforcement involved. She's not the only mother to do so. The mother of a second-grader at Stanton Weirsdale Elementary School in Weirsdale did call law enforcement after repeatedly trying to get the school to put a stop to the bullying her son was dealing with from a student who was in his class, on his bus and at the same bus stop as him.
Bullying is a harsh word, but assault is even more harsh. Yet, if we're completely honest, physical bullying really is assault. Instead of approaching your child's school and demanding results about the bullying, it's time to approach them and ask what they're going to do about the assault your child is dealing with.
The mother from SWES called the Marion County Sheriff. After a deputy spoke with her and her son, he then came to the school and spoke with the bully and the school principal. Calling law enforcement is not an empty threat – if your child is dealing with a bully and the school refuses to do anything, start taking pictures and keeping notes on what happens, and get law enforcement involved. They will help you get it resolved, if the school won't. Depending on whether you live in Ocala or somewhere else in Marion County, you'll either call the Marion County Sheriff, Ocala Police, Belleview Police or Dunnellon Police.
Teaching your child to stand up for him/herself
Whether it's against someone who wants to touch them inappropriately, or another child who is assaulting them, you need to teach your child to stand up for him/herself.
Teach your child to firmly and loudly say no, stop, and/or don't do that. Teach your child to shove away an unwanted touch, to walk away from someone who's bothering them, and most importantly, to tell someone what is going on.
You might even consider advocating violence as a last resort. This is a fine line, and depending on your child's age and level of understanding, it may not be the best idea. But you should seriously consider teaching them that there are certain instances where hitting or kicking might be appropriate. For example, if someone is touching them inappropriately and won't stop, hitting or kicking to make the person stop or to get away from the person would be appropriate.
It's also vital to make sure your child knows that you are there for them and that you will back them up. The key to getting a child to talk to you, to trust you, and to come to you when someone has done something to them is making sure they know that you will believe them and you will defend them.
As parents, we are responsible for our children's safety. Part of that responsibility is teaching them how to be responsible for their own safety when we are not around to protect them. Don't wrap your child in bubble wrap for protection – give him the tools he needs to protect himself.
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